I was never set out to be a writer. For about thirty years of my early life, I had no intention or reason to write anything other than work-related reports, emails, and resumes.

Then in the summer of 1999, I discovered writing quite accidentally.

I was recently employed by a multinational company after finishing my degree in Information Technology. Previously I was a Biochemist and was finding it extremely hard to get any jobs in my field after a seven-year gap to raise my children. Being employed again was really reassuring.

But that assurance didn’t last long.

Nine months later my company was overtaken by another big Information Technology company and many people were retrenched. New to the Information Technology environment where mergers and takeovers are a norm, I feared for my job and accepted a six-month contracting position in a government department.

When I handed my resignation, I was invited for an Exit Interview (another new thing for me) where a senior manager (a very nice fellow) asked the reasons for my leaving.

I had none. Except that I might lose my job.

I later learned they had no intention to do so.

The new company was bigger and better with more career advancement opportunities. Had I tried to win a job with the company from outside, I stood a very slim chance. And here I was letting it go just because I was afraid that they might fire me.

I realized what a big mistake I was making.

I was swapping a permanent positing with a six-month contraction position. Without thinking any further, I rang the contracting company and said I was not joining. Then I went to the senior manager who interviewed me and said I was not leaving.

That started a chain reaction.

In short, I was told that my resignation was approved and it cannot be reverted. The contracting company said they will try to get in touch with the department to see if they could get me back the contracting job I had declined but there were no guarantees.

A day before I had two perfect jobs, today I had none.

And it was no one else’s fault but mine. Here I was, on the last day of work, feeling humiliated and stupid.

I berated myself. How could I be so stupid? Why didn’t I first find out whether I can retract my resignation before saying no to the contracting offer? I went for a long walk but that didn’t help much. My inner talk was not letting me rest.

I couldn’t face my colleagues either. They all knew what I had done. In hindsight, they would have been sympathetic had I let them but I didn’t want to talk to anyone.

This was when I noticed a blank A4 size writing pad and pen on my desk.

Without realizing I picked it up and started writing whatever was going through my head. The same thoughts were going in circles, on and on, again and again. Writing them down helped break the cycle.

I wrote for an hour without looking up. I had filled three sheets in that time. The handwriting was messy because of the emotions but I was beginning to feel better. As if a lot of weight was lifted off my chest. I got up and made myself a cup of tea and got back to writing.

This time I was able to see things in a positive light.

Maybe the department hadn’t hired another contractor. The wheels of the public service turn slower than the private sector. Maybe the contracting company can find me another contract soon. Maybe I can start applying for jobs in the open market now that I had a little bit of IT experience under my belt.

As it turned out, I did get the contract position back. The next week, I was sitting at the new job, with twenty other contractors who were hired at the same time as me to work on an aspiring new IT project. All my worries, humiliation, and self-berating long forgotten.

But I didn’t forget what the act of writing did for me on that day.

We all face times in our lives when we want to hide our face and curl-up in a fetal position. Sometimes even that doesn’t help.

We all face times in our lives when we want to hide our face and curl-up in a fetal position. Sometimes even that doesn’t help.

Writing has the power to bring us out of the dark places by breaking the cycle of depressing thoughts. 

Writing helps us work through your thoughts and emotions, regulates our feelings, and teaches us to express what we’re going through.

In a classic experiment, James Pennebaker, PhD., University of Texas, assigned healthy undergraduates to one of four groups. All were asked to write for 15 minutes for four consecutive nights. Three of the groups were asked to write about some traumatic event in their lives; the fourth group wrote about some other trivial topic. All four groups were then tracked for the next six months and researchers found that the three groups who wrote about traumatic events had fewer visits to the health center.

Doug Foresta in an article on Psychotherapy.net writes that he was interested to find out how his clients tell the “story” their lives. According to him, it typically goes something like this: “I’m a horrible loser, and I keep doing the same thing over and over and I don’t want to but I can’t stop.” We usually tell the worst version of our life story.

He then advises them to imagine the blank page as a safe space where they can try new ideas and new stories about themselves without being judged. He asks his clients to explore who they would be if they didn’t feel so stuck in their problem.

Writing is a powerful tool to bring clarity in thoughts.

When you start expressing your emotions on paper suddenly the horrible story of being stuck is revealed to be just that, a story. And since stories are written, they can be revised, especially if we are the ones who wrote the story in the first place. Writing then becomes an empowering act that sparks creativity and imagination.

What can you do if you find yourself in a hole?

Next time you feel stuck or going through the bad patch try writing to get through keeping in mind the following:

1. Write nonstop for at least 15 minutes. Pick a thought and write till it finishes. If the next one interrupts, start writing about that. The idea is to take it all out.
2. Don’t worry about the language. You are allowed to leave sentences unfinished, use clichés, abbreviations, and even foul language if that helps. Keep in mind that this writing is for your eyes only. No one must see it unless you want them to.
3. Experiment with the medium. You don’t have to write by hand although they say there is a direct connection between your hand and brain. Typing on a computer or even a mobile phone is fine too if it works better for you.
4. Don’t edit yourself. Part of the exercise is to access your feelings and you can’t do that if you’re constantly redirecting yourself.
5. Write for a few days or even weeks. If the problem is lingering and you are still seeking clarity, carve out 10 to 15 minutes and write regularly. You don’t have to do it every day, three to four-time a week is all that is needed.
6. Reread… but not right away: It’s a good idea to go back and see what you’ve written. You will find patterns in your thinking you weren’t aware of before. You will also find in there the solution you were looking for.

Photo by Louis Hansel @shotsoflouis on Unsplash