February 2020 – Page 2 – NEERA MAHAJAN

In the 12th century BC, when Odysseus, the legendary Greek king of Ithaca and the hero of Homer’s epic poem the Odyssey, left for the Trojan War, he left his son Telemachus in charge of his friend named Mentōr.

Since then, the Greek word Mentor became synonymous with someone who teaches, gives help, and advice to a less experienced and often younger person.

All beginning writers need mentors. Mentors are those kind souls who say to you, “I believe in you,” even when you don’t; especially when you don’t.

Writing is said to be a solitary profession. We are expected to tread in isolation and toil quietly. But it doesn’t have to be that way. Your writing journey can become a joyful walk if you can find a good mentor. The right mentor can instruct, guide, support, and encourage you and help you realize your full potential.

Who is the right mentor?

According to Patrick Boland, a right mentor has three main characteristics:

Good mentors are open as a person. They see the world as an exciting, curious place, and he is open to ideas and possibilities. He is comfortable in his skin and wants you to be comfortable in his skin and wants you to be comfortable in yours.
They are more interested in what is going on internally than externally.
They celebrate your rise and sit with you during your falls, through all the disappointments, heartbreak, and hurt.

The right mentor will bring you through the whole learning cycle of trying failing and getting better.

A right mentor is someone who meets you where you are.

A right mentor is someone you admire and want to be like.

Finding the right mentor is not easy. Fortunately, mentoring can happen in many shapes and forms. It can be formal or informal and may change and evolve with changes in your needs.

The three kinds of mentors you should look at are:

Dead mentors

The dead mentors are those who have died a long time ago. But they have left their advice behind in the form of books. They are the best kind of mentors because their advice is time-tested. Besides, they can’t say ‘no’ to mentor you.

You can pick and choose which was you want to follow. You can also pick the advice that appeals to you and applies to your circumstances.

But, of course, not every piece of advice applies to everyone.

And it is quite possible the time is not right for certain counsel. In those scenarios, you can use your own judgment to decide what to take and what to leave.

“The best mentors can help us define and express our inner calling,” says Anthony Tjan, CEO of Boston firm Cue Ball Group and author of Good People. “But rarely can one person give you everything you need to grow.”

Dead mentors with their books can easily cover that gap.

Alive mentors

Alive mentors could be hard to get because you need their permission to be your mentors.

Sometimes, your agents, your editors, your writing coach, or even your writing-group-buddies can fit the bill.

As your mentor, their job is not to solve your problems (writing or otherwise) than to help you see them clearly.

They do that by observing, listening, challenging, asking focused questions, and making you reflect.

They can suggest strategies for solving problems you might not have considered and can help you think “bigger picture.”

Your mentors can be your cheerleaders. Having the positive support of a cheerleader can give you the necessary motivation to keep going.

Our parents, spouses, and good friends can fill this role for us in many ways. Professionally, having a person in your field saying, “you can do this,” can be a tremendous asset.

As your cheerleader, they will be genuinely happy for you when you succeed and will cheer you out of the hole when you can find no way out.

In his TED talk, Anthony Tjan identifies five kinds of people you should have in your corner

Master of the craft
Champion of your cause
Copilot
Anchor
Reverse mentor.

Listen to his talk below to find out how they can help you grow.

One person can’t cover more than one category so use this list as a guide to identify them deepen your bond with them. You probably already know all of them.

Find writers you admire. Writers who are living their life in a way you aspire to. Get to know their routines, their resources, how they go about their days. While their way is not the only way, you can gain valuable insight into steps you might want to take to get you closer to your goals.

Online mentors

Online mentors are the educators.

An educator is a person who takes the time to share their expertise with those who want to learn. They love to help others by sharing their wisdom. They want to see everyone succeed.

Many writers are sharing their craft online. They are willing to teach what they have learned through their blogs and courses. They are imparting information for free. You can subscribe to your ideals which are doing things you want to be able to do. Search for any topic online, and you will find a lot of free information. These are your online mentors.

Here is a list of some I follow:

You can choose a more suitable one from this extensive list.

Don’t follow too many at a time. Otherwise, there will be too much advice, and you won’t be able to act on it.

The best way is, to follow one or two for a while, learn from them, and then move on. If you stick around too long you will start seeing things their way which will hinder your growth.

When their well dries, or you think you are learning no more from them, stop following them and find someone else you can learn from.

Photo by Joshua Ness on Unsplash

Dear Writer,

Let me start by telling you are not the only one. Every writer, at the start of their journey, thinks their writing is good enough. Some like me will suffer from the malady all their lives.

Most of us, except for a few gifted occasions, are unhappy with whatever we write.

I used to be terrible to myself. On an almost daily basis, I would meticulously look for evidence to feed my belief that I was not a good writer and will never be able to become one. Yet there is nothing else I want to perfect than writing.

It is a constant battle, like losing five kilos I keep on putting back on every time I lose them. Just like my body keeps going back to the ‘overweight-threshold’ my mind keeps on going back to ‘not good enough’ baseline.

Getting good at any skill feels like climbing a mountain, the only difference is when you get to the other side you find there is another mountain. Writing is not just a mountain but a mountain range. You feel like you are climbing hill after hill.

Writing is compared to art and art takes practice.

And practice takes time.

You need to give yourself time.

Daily practice, even if it is for fifteen minutes is better than an occasional hour or a whole afternoon. Every serious writer writes daily, there is no example of anyone who wrote occasionally and produced good work but there are many who wrote daily, some only for fifteen minutes a day (think Toni Morrison), and produced a great amount of work.

More than anything else writing is about building a habit.

Initially do nothing else but concentrate on building the habit. Write anything, write about the sky, or the weather, or the surroundings, or the people around you. Develop your writing muscles. The stories will develop later. Concentrate on quantity, the quality will come later.

Always remember, there is more right with your writing than wrong.

This powerful reminder is inspired by a quote from Jon Kabat-Zinn: “Until you stop breathing, there’s more right with you than wrong with you.”

As my friend Henneke says, “As someone who sometimes tends to zoom in on all my perceived flaws, it helps to remember that there are lots of things I like about myself too—like the fact that I’m alive and breathing and able to pave new paths whenever I choose.”

Focus on progress rather than perfection

Don’t worry about how far you have to go, look at how far you have come.

One of the biggest causes of self-loathing is our hell-bent need to “get it right.” We strive for perfection and success, and when we fall short, we feel less than and worthless. What we don’t seem to realize is that working toward our goals and being willing to put ourselves out there are accomplishments within themselves, regardless of how many times we fail.

Instead of berating yourself for messing up and stumbling backward, give yourself a pat on the back for trying, making progress, and coming as far as you have.

Forget quality, write from the heart

Ann Handley describes an article her friend, Cara published on LinkedIn titled How To: Fucking Work from Home promoting her shed business. The post is riddled with spelling errors and profanity but it caused a ruckus: 55,000 views, 624 comments, and 217 shares.

Why? Because it was authentic, written from heart, using the language she would use describing her frustration to a friend.

The post gave a clear-eyed view of one of her typically brutal mornings and by extension the chaos of mornings everywhere. It boils over with the tension anyone feels when trying to balance home, family, work, recycling day, laundry, walking the dog, dinner.

You breakthrough when you let go

I started getting better when I stopped worrying and let go. It didn’t matter whether my writing was plain, clunky and not to the level of the writers I loved reading and so admired. True it will take me years to get to their level, or I may never get there but I was writing something and it was better than what I was able to before.

In the end, frame Ira Glass’s manifesto, place it on your desk and get to work on your art.

All the best.

Photo by Debby Hudson on Unsplash

Month: February 2020

Three kinds of mentors for writers and why you should have them all