December 2020 – NEERA MAHAJAN

If You Are Given $100,000 To Spend As You Like, Where Would You Spend It?

December 21, 2020December 21, 2020 Neera

I asked the question to a bunch of friends.

In a 1985 movie, Brewster’s Millions, Brewster, the lead character (played by Richard Pryor), inherits $300 million from his uncle, whom he has never met.

But he has to complete a challenge with several conditions.

To get his hands on the inheritance, he has to spend 30 million dollars in 30 days. But at the end of 30 days:

he shouldn’t own any assets
he can not give away money to other people
he can not waste it by purchasing and destroying valuable objects
he must get value for the services he buys
he can lose up to 5% in gambling and
he can donate 5% to charity and lose 5% by gambling

Finally, he is not allowed to tell anyone about the challenge.

Brewster, who has never earned more than ten grand a year, rents an expensive hotel suite, hires personal staff on exorbitant salaries, and places bad gambling bets. He does crazy things like running for Mayor of New York City, buying a million dollar collectors’ postage stamp, using it on a postcard, and hires the most expensive interior designer to design the hotel room for him for just a night.

Unable to spend 30 million dollars, Brewster becomes fed up with money and realizes the money’s real value, something his uncle intended all this time.

I have often wondered what people will do if they find themselves in a similar situation.

30 million dollars is a lot of money, but what if people like you and me are given a substantial amount of money and told to spend it wherever we like.

I settled on $100,000, and I thought I would experiment by asking people around me.

What if you are given $100,000 to spend as you like, where would you spend it?

The above question became my favorite icebreaker.

People’s reaction to the question was worth noting.

At first, they don’t want to be game enough to respond. Then they want to make fun of me. They wanted to know when am I handing out the money.

But with some encouragement and a bit of probing, I start getting interesting replies.

Different people at different times in their life will pick up different things to spend the money on. My husband will no doubt invest the money in shares, and my daughters would go traveling, a friend of mine said she would hire house-help at least once a week.

Another friend wanted to go cruising for the rest of her life. Travel was the common thing (of course, I was asking this question pre-Covid times)

Recently I popped this question in a forum.

Here are some of the responses.

If the $100,000 is still available, I’ll volunteer to take it.
It would go towards paying off short term debt, buying a different family vehicle (ours is about to die), putting some in the bank for our children’s education funds, and putting the remainder aside for a nice family vacation (probably Hawaii) when we may all travel again.
Oh, I’m so selfish. Of course some for charity. There are a couple of organizations we love to support.

These days I might spend it on political ads. Aside from that context, however, I would likely put a third to charitable organizations and invest the rest in environmentally friendly stocks. Although, a trip to Greece would be nice. I am currently retired with a comfortable nest egg, so I don’t need to pay off debts or the like.

I read this, but I struggled to answer it. However, if I were to go back in time to when we first moved to New Zealand, I’d have put it to pay off the mortgage. We were keen on paying it back as quickly as possible. And that’s the only thing I could think of. Even back then, I didn’t aspire for stuff that was beyond my budget. I see $100k as a substantial amont of money, and I’d personally feel it was a great extravagance to use it anywhere else than paying back a loan.
Today, I wouldn’t know what to do with it. The loans have been paid a long time ago. If someone just gave me that money, I’d probably give it to the St. John’s Ambulance service so they could buy some ambulances.

Hide it from my wife. She is gunning for the Amazon shopper’s hall of fame. Just kidding… kinda.
I would invest in myself (for learning), then put the rest in some kind of interest-bearing account and try to forget about it. I have actually received a lump sum in the past, and I was disenchanted by the experience.
I’m much less of a consumer now. Less enamored with the ‘goodies.’ They remind me of soap bubbles — all pretty and shiny. And empty. I came to the realization that I enjoy having money more than spending it. The money spent making good memories with my family is an exception. So is money spend on quality learning experiences.

There is no right and wrong answer to the question.

But most people, even the educated and savvy looking ones don’t know what to do with a windfall.

Research shows that 70 percent of people lose all of their financial windfalls within three years of receiving it.

$100,000 is not a huge sum that you need a financial advisor to tell you how to make the best of it.

And it is quite likely that you might get a windfall in your life.

According to a recent study by Cerulli Associates, there’s a massive transfer of wealth poised to happen in the U.S. over the next 25 years. An estimated $68 trillion will change hands, with the country’s aging population transferring those assets to charitable endeavors and their heirs.

I am curious to know what will you do if you get $100,000 with the instrctutions to spend it all.

Let me know by writing in the comments section.

I will let you my response in the next article.

Photo by Nathan Dumlao on Unsplash

https://medium.com/illumination/how-to-stop-your-left-brain-from-thinking-533afed73bdf

A Five Minute Exercise I Do Before Writing Articles

December 14, 2020December 14, 2020 Neera

You have cleared your desk, you have finished all your chores, you have turned your mobile phone on silent, and you have disconnected from the internet.

For the next hour, you are now going to write the article you have been planning to write all day.

You open the document and POOF!

Your mind has gone blank.

The articles that you drafted a few days earlier, you try to take them further, but nothing comes to mind.

It is as if your mind doesn’t want to focus on the writing at hand. It wants to do everything else but write.

Writing is elusive. Some days you are so good and other days you can’t seem to get even a few words out doesn’t matter how hard you try.

At times like these, you do the biggest time-wasting activity.

You open the browser and start looking for ideas.

You need something to get you started. A little clue. A little hint. A tiny idea will be enough. You promise yourself that you will read for just a few minutes, and then stop.

But it never happens that way.

You start reading one article, then another, and before you know it, the hour that you had dedicated to writing had flown past, and you haven’t written a single word.

It happens to me every time.

This is what Steven Pressfield Called “Resistance.”

Before reading Steven Pressfield’s classic book The War of Art, I thought the fault was just with me. I was the only one with a restless mind that can’t concentrate on the task at hand and want to do everything but what it should be doing.

I learned pretty soon, that there are certain activities that elicit resistance and writing is one of them.

“Resistance” is a repelling force, that is generated from inside and it doesn’t discriminate. Even the experienced writers, artists, athletes, poets, singers, and spiritual masters constantly battle with it. It is an “evil force” that is there to prevent anyone who wants to do any good with their lives.

Resistance will do anything to achieve its goal — which is to stop you from achieving yours.

It will perjure, fabricate, falsify; seduce, bully, cajole. Resistance is protean. It will assume any form, if that is what it takes to deceive you. — Steven Pressfield.

The more important is your goal, the more resistance you will feel.

I tried everything to beat ‘Resistance.’

I freed myself of all the distractions. I even disconnected Wi-Fi so that I don’t fall into the trap of getting ideas from the internet. Soon I discovered the distractions are not just external, they could be internal too.
I set a time and place to write. It worked for a few days and then the same thing happened. The boredom of routine set in and my mind would want to do something exciting rather than write the article.
I started stopping in mid-sentence as Stephen King suggests, so that I could pick up it the next day and finish the article. But my mind couldn’t pick up the threads and finish the tapestry. It wanted to check the fridge and see what treat it can have.
I outlined so that I knew where the article was going. But on those fateful days, I couldn’t write even a few paragraphs to fill each point. No stories will come to mind — personal or general. Quotes that are usually on the tip of my tongue would elude me. I couldn’t come up with convincing arguments about the points I was making.
I started doing meditation before writing. Rather than having a calming effect, it started giving me panic attacks. I would feel that I was wasting the only free time I have for writing.

There’s a secret that real writers know that wannabe writers don’t, and the secret is this: It’s not the writing part that’s hard. What’s hard is sitting down to write. — Steven Pressfield

But in my case, I was sitting down to write and doing everything I knew to write, and still, wasn’t able to write.

I felt like an imposter.

All of the previous writing meant nothing if I couldn’t write every day. A writer should be able to write on demand.

If at this stage someone had given me a contract for a book I would have declined.

Who was I kidding?

I would never be able to write professionally.

I will never become a prolific writer.

The Imposter in me was working overtime. He is waiting for me to call it quits and go back to shopping online. It doesn’t even want to know that I need to earn money before I go spending.

You will know what I mean if you have watched the movie ‘The Word.’

In the movie, Rory Jansen (played by Bradly Cooper), a struggling writer, finds a handwritten manuscript in an old briefcase he bought from an antique shop. The manuscript is so well written that Rory starts typing it on his computer, word for word.

He wants to feel the words pass through his fingers.

He wants to know how does it feel to type well-written words.

Rory Jansen submits that manuscript to an agent. His novel gets published and becomes a huge success.https://neeramahajan.com/media/f8961eac5f4192795c18743f78014e33

Don’t worry I am not taking on the path of plagiarism.

Even before watching that movie, I figured out if I pick up a book, a good book, and start typing a few paragraphs from it, I get in the rhythm of typing, which somehow awakens the narrator in me.

The words would start flowing effortlessly.

It was my little secret, and I was so ashamed of it.

I didn’t want to tell anyone what I was doing.

But imagine my surprise when my writing teacher, a well-known editor with three decades of experience in the industry, prescribed the same exercise in a recent novel-writing workshop.

There is a science behind it.

When you are typing looking at a text, it focuses your mind on just one activity. You are not thinking about what to cook for dinner and whether to take out clothes from the line because it might start raining soon.

When you are reading the text line by line, something in the text triggers a thought or brings out memory, and before you know it, your own story appears before you.

This is when you should stop copying and start typing the story you just got reminded of.

Our brain wanders off at the slightest of provocation. You are putting this “wandering” ability to use.

Let’s do a little experiment.

Read the following paragraph. It is from a book called The Memory Code, which I opened randomly and started typing.

A mother of a five-year-old told me this story: Her son had been wanting to learn to ride his bike without his training wheels, but whenever she took them off, he would give up after a couple of minutes. She finally asked him, “What do you think will happen if you fall off the bike?” He immediately answered (while wearing his helmet), “I’ll die.”

Does it remind you of your own bike riding story?

Or any of your unfounded fears. There it is. Start writing your story.

It reminded me of my three heart-felt-wishes when I was in primary school.

For years I wanted nothing more but those three things, and one of them was learning to ride a bike. All my friends knew how to ride a bike. We were soon going to high school, and they were all getting new bikes, except me.

Memories that followed have given me material for a full-fledged article that I will write — Three Wishes Of A Thirteen-Years Old (One that will never come true.)

Summary

There you go. You have one of my deepest secrets that I was so ashamed to share.

It is, in fact, a writing exercise suggested by writing teachers.

Give it a go and see whether it works for you too.

Photo by Radu Florin on Unsplash

How To Invite Inner Calm In 2021

December 3, 2020December 3, 2020 Neera

I stood in the middle of my living room and looked around me. The benchtop was full of dishes to be put away. The empty shopping bags from yesterday were still lying around. The placemats were still at the meals table, needing a wipe since dinner last night.

The washing basket was waiting patiently for my attention.

The center table was cluttered with newspapers, books, notebooks, and laptop. The kitchen cupboards were bursting, and the fridge needed a good clean. The same was the story with every other room in the house.

I sank in a chair with despair.

How did that happen?

I am a crowned “Neat Queen,” when did I let disorder creep into my home?

There was a time, even when I was working full time, my house was tidy and spotless. I spent hours putting things in their place and wiping clean every surface multiple times. Even no one was home during the day, I still kept it tidy as if people were coming for dinner.

I would start cleaning as soon as I woke up each Saturday morning and didn’t rest until I was done. Cleaning was the highlight of my weekends.

But then quit the job and started work working from home. I didn’t have to spend weekends cleaning because I could do it at any time. Right?

Wrong.

Being at home meant I had no designated time to clean.

It also meant that I saw the mess all the time and stopped noticing it after a while. But my subconscious kept seeing it and got irritated by it.

The outer disorder had started to creep in.

I had allowed the outer disorder to creep in my house.

2020 had been a tumultuous year. Everything that could go wrong went wrong. Except for the first two months, the whole year, we all dealt with the bad news. Our coping mechanism to bad news is, lie low. Let it pass. That is exactly what I did.

Couple that with a long winter in Australia, I just hibernated. Most of the days, I stayed in my pajamas all day. I cooked when I absolutely had to and cleaned when I had no choice. As a result, the disorder piled up.

Research shows clutter affects our anxiety levels, sleep, and ability to focus.

It impacts coping and avoidance strategies and makes us less productive.

We might think that we are not noticing the bursting cupboards and piles of paper stacked around the house, but research shows disorganization and clutter have a cumulative effect on our brains.

Our brains like order. Constant visual reminders of disorganization drain our cognitive resources, reducing our ability to focus.

The visual distraction of clutter increases cognitive overload and can reduce our working memory.

In 2011, neuroscience researchers using fMRI (functional magnetic resonance imaging) and other physiological measurements found clearing clutter from home and work environment resulted in a better ability to focus and process information and increased productivity.

Outer order leads to inner calm.

I perhaps needed that reminder when I picked up Gretchen Rubin’s book Outer Order Inner Calm from the public library.

Outer order make us feel good. It gives us a sense of spaciousness, positivity, and creative energy.

Organized surroundings make us feel in control. It gives the sense we have conquered the chaos not only in our surroundings but also in our lives. It makes us feel less guilty, less irritated, and less resentful towards others.

When I am surrounded by mess, I feel restless and unsettled. When I clean up that mess, I’m always surprised by the disproportionate energy and cheer I gain.

– Gretchen Rubin

Outer order help us keep an atmosphere of clarity. We are able to keep our attention focused.

There is another more mysterious reason that outer order contributes to inner calm.

The association between outer calm and inner calm runs deep.

It is true that “I am not my possessions,” but “my possessions are mine.” They somehow define me and make me complete.

Ever thought of the question — if you are to go to an island for six months and can only take five things with you, what will you take?

I find it very hard to limit myself to five things. Whenever I pack for holidays, however small, I take several things that I may or may not use but having them with me gives me a sense of security.

We extend ourselves into the things around us. They become our cocoons, the comfortable space to be in. We carry them with us everywhere we go, just as a snail carries its shell with it.

With our possessions, we leave a mark on the world. And whether that mark is grand or modest, whether this mark is made with possessions many or few, we want to create an environment that truly suits us. — Gretchen Rubin.

The irony is that just like outer order contributes to inner calm, inner calm contributes to outer order.

When we are calm, in control, and focused, keeping our surroundings in good order is easier.

Whenever we are struggling, chaotic, and overwhelmed, we let our surroundings go disorderly.

“Order is Heaven’s first law.” — Alexander Pope

We cherish our possessions, but we also want to feel free of them.

I want to keep every object with a memory associated with it, but I also want plenty of space in my house.

Decluttering is not easy.

Clearing clutter is exhausting because it requires us to make choices, and making choices is hard. It takes emotional energy.

Often we need to choose, which leads to confronting why we have accumulated in the first place.

For some people owning a minimal amount of possessions make them feel free and happier. But it is not true for everyone. I am one of them.

But decluttering makes everyone happy. Rather than striving for minimal possessions, it is helpful to think about getting rid of superfluous.

How to start to bring order to our surroundings.

As I get older, I am finding decluttering overwhelming.

It takes a lot of physical energy, time, taxing decision-making, and is emotionally draining.

It helps to have someone to help.

By getting rid of the thing I don’t use, don’t need, or don’t love, as well as the things that don’t work, don’t fit, or don’t suit, I free my mind — and my shelves — for what I truly value.

Having someone to help me make decisions and deal with the grunt work of sorting, moving, packing and tossing make the task bearable.

Doing it a little by little.

I start with little things, perhaps a little area. I clean my desk and organize my papers before starting a new project. If I am having guests over, I start with cleaning the pantry and fridge before cooking.

I do several “five-minute-sprint-cleaning” during the day where I tidy up while having a break from writing. These few minutes each day are paramount to impose some order in my surroundings.

I have found once I start, it is easier to keep going. December is my big decluttering month when I sort and discard unwanted items either by category (Marie Kondo’s way) or by area.

Oh! Old rubbish! Old letters, old clothes, old objects that one does not want to throw away. How well nature has understood that every year, she must change her leaves, her flowers, her fruit, and her vegetables, and make manure out of the mementos of her year! — Jules Renard

Hiring a regular cleaner.

For some reason, having a regular cleaner is a stigma in western society. It leads to false beliefs and social judgments such as “she is lazy,” “she has money to burn,” “she doesn’t love her home to spend time cleaning it.”

I have worked on my mindset regarding hiring a cleaner.

Rather than thinking that I am wasting money, I think I am helping someone earn a living.

Rather than thinking that I don’t love my home to spend time cleaning it, I have started thinking I value my hobbies and interests to make time for them.

Rather than thinking, I am lazy, I think I deserve time to unwind and relax, and outsourcing cleaning is one way to get that.

I only have a finite amount of energy, which I can use to do the things I “have to do” or do the things I “want to do.” Cleaning is no longer in the “have to do” category. I am now calling my cleaner, a charming hardworking lady, more often.

My decluttering strategy.

As I have moved to the second half of my life, I am reducing the number of things I own. I didn’t add to clutter in the house this year — I didn’t buy any clothes, nor did I buy any toiletries. I am on a mission to use the existing ones.

I am following the “half the stuff” principle — half the number of clothes, half the number of books, half the number of decoration pieces, half the number of email subscriptions…

By managing my possessions, I have learned that I have improved my stress level, physical health, intellectual vigor, and even my relationships. I now have more time for others and to pursue my interests.

In Summary — My Top Ten Tips For Creating Outer Order

When feeling down, start cleaning.
Don’t put things down; put them away.
Don’t buy anything that you are not going to use straight away.
Follow the “five-minute-rule,” anything you can clean in five minutes, clean it. Do it as a break from writing or whatever your core activity is.
Assign each day its own tasks. Mine is Monday kitchen, Tuesday bathrooms; Wednesday bedrooms; Thursday living area; Friday outdoor; Saturday washing; Sunday Ironing.
Make cleaning a fun or learningexperience. Listen to a podcast or put on a YouTube video while cleaning.
Have a clean surface in every room. An empty shelf, or a desk, or even an empty bedside table gives the feeling of luxury of space. In this age of excess, emptiness has its own beauty.
Move the things I can’t bring myself to throw away into the garage first and then into the car’s boot (trunk) to donate. This sequential parting makes it easy to let go.
Digital clutter is equally stressful. Clear away all the visual clutter for your smartphone. Regularly delete the apps you don’t use. I keep only the essential apps on the first screen and move the rest to the subsequent screens. All my writing and reading apps are on the second screen, and all the scrolling apps are pushed to the third screen so that they are out of sight. I have muted the sound of notifications. Preferably and cut back on them as much as possible.
Regularly delete documents and folders you don’t need from your laptop/computer. I have two kinds of folders based on topics (such as Books, Articles, Course material)and based on the calendar year. At the end of each year, I do the final filing. Any documents I don’t need gets deleted.

Photo by Norbert Levajsics on Unsplash