Month: January 2023

Because they set ‘means goal’ rather than ‘end goals.’

They think ‘means goals’ will lead them to their ‘end goals.’

They don’t.

Instead, they lead them to stress, anxiety, and dissatisfaction.

A ‘means goal’ is a means to an end.

Get good grades
so that you can get into a good university, 
so that you can get a good job, 
so that you can earn a good salary, 
so that you can live a good life.

The ‘end goal’ here is to live a good life.

The ‘end goals’ are about fulfilling our potential, experiencing love, being truly happy, and contributing to the world. 

Knowing the difference between ‘means goals’ and the ‘end goals’ is important.

‘Means goals’ usually have a “so” in them. ‘End goals’ are the result of being human.

The majority of people are so engrossed in fulfilling their ‘means goals,’ they lose touch with their ‘end goals.’

‘Means goals’ never end. As soon as you achieve one, the bar moves higher, and you end up setting another goal, and another, and another. Each one is more difficult than the previous one, leaving you unfulfilled and disenchanted.

‘End goals’ make you feel happy and fulfilled, taking the stress out while achieving them.

How to set ‘end goals?
By asking yourself 3 questions?

– What are the experiences you want in your life?
– How do you need to grow to have those experiences?
– How can you contribute to the rest of the world?

There is merit in looking at goal-setting in this way.

Since experiences are embedded at the emotional level, the desire to achieve them is much stronger.

Learning and growing are the essences of being human. Our soul wants to evolve through wisdom, new ideas, and new ways of perceiving the world.

When your goals are more than just personal achievements, the forces of the universe clear the path for you.

Use the 3 Questions Technique to set goals this year in the following three categories, and you will find you will achieve more with less stress.

They don’t work.

For the last five decades, we have been fed the belief to set Specific, Measurable, Achievable, Realistic, and Time-bound goals. The problem is, such goals are either Outcome-based or Process-based.

“This year I will lose 10 pounds,” is an outcome-based goal.

“This year I will go to the gym and eat healthily,” is a process-based goal.

Both don’t work.

Because “these goals are filtered through our self-image and if inconsistent, are rejected or modified,” said Maxwell Maltz, the writer of ‘Psycho-Cybernetics.’

James Clear, the author of ‘Atomic Habits,’ who has been studying habits and goal setting for more than a decade suggests setting identity-based goals.

He famously said, “You don’t rise to the level of your goals, you fall to the level of your system.”

Your goals are your desired outcomes, and your system is the collection of daily habits that will get you there.

If you are not achieving your goals, your identity is holding you back.

Your identity is your self-image chosen for you, by you.

The more pride you have in a particular aspect of your identity, the more motivated you will be to maintain the habits associated with it.

“I am the type of person who eats healthy and never misses a workout,” is an identity-based goal.

My husband wakes up at five and goes for a walk every day, come rain, hail, or shine. He can’t miss his walk because walking is part of his identity.

I wake up at six and write for two hours, and don’t ever miss it. Writing is part of my identity.

Set identity-based goals, rather than rather than outcome or process-based goals and you will have a better chance of achieving them.