How many times we have been advised, to “fake it till you make it.”
This cliche advice is often given when we are faced with a situation that requires confidence, such as a job interview or meeting a new client. The idea is to project an air of confidence, even if you don’t feel it inside, in the hope that eventually, you will start to feel more confident.
However, I have found that this approach has negative consequences. While it may work for some people, for me it leads to a feeling of inadequacy. As if I am a fake and will remain a fake because I have cheated others into believing something which I was not.
What if, instead of “faking it”, we acknowledge and address the underlying issues causing the lack of confidence? This can involve reassessing the situation and figuring out what we already know and what we need to know to build that confidence. As our knowledge and skills will grow we will be in a better position to become more confident.
The first thing to ask when you feel emotionally conflicted is, what are my strengths? Can I use any of those in this situation? Acting from your strength makes you work from your true self. Building knowledge, skills, and experience is not hard if you know your starting point and where you need to be.
But what if you miss out on the opportunity by “not faking it”? Well, invariably honesty and desire to learn and grow weigh higher than the fake persona you build up. Nothing makes you more confident when you act from a place of integrity. Sara Blakely’s story confirms that.
Sara Blakely designed a new kind of underwear, called it Spanx and eventually became the youngest female billionaire in America.
When she was growing up in Florida, she didn’t exactly dream of designing ladies’ undergarments. She wanted to be a lawyer. But when she took her LSATs, she failed twice. She ended up selling fax machines door to door.
If anyone has done door-to-door selling, they would know how demoralizing it is. Many times she would get in her car and drive around the block multiple times, just trying to convince herself to walk through the door. And sometimes she’d walk through the door, and then turn around and go back.
During one of her depressed moments, she came up with an idea of a new kind of hosiery item that will basically tighten and then smooth everything around your butt and thighs.
She did the research to find out the market need and lack of an existing patent for any such garment, then spent the $5000 she was saving from selling fax machines, to get a patent for what was basically footless pantyhose in the form of underpants.
Then she used her door-to-door selling experience to find a manufacturer who agreed to build her a prototype. She put that prototype in a Ziploc bag from her kitchen, printed a color copy of the packaging that she created on her friend’s computer, and went to see Diane, the head of the hosiery buyer at Neiman Marcus headquarters.
In the middle of the meeting, Sara could see she was losing her. She knew it was her only shot, so she asked her, would you come to the bathroom with her?
“What?” said the impeccably dressed woman who had the power to buy millions of dollar worth of stuff from hosiery manufacturers.
“Sorry. Please excuse me. I know it’s a little weird, but I want to show you my product before and after.”
The lady agreed and walked down the hall with Sara. Sara was wearing cream pants which were showing the lines of her underwear. Sara replaces her underwear with her Spanx and Diane looked at her, and went, “Wow, I get it. It’s brilliant.” And she said, I’m going to place an order, and I’m going to put it in seven stores and see how it goes.
This is a much shorter version of Sara’s story which she narrated in an interview on How I Built This podcast, but basically, Sara didn’t hide her inexperience, overcame several hurdles using her strengths and whatever knowledge and experience she had, and in the end, her honesty landed her the contract.
Gena Gorlin, a coach of startup founders, came up with an alternate framework to “fake it, till you make it.” She calls it the “remembering what you know,” framework.
“Remembering what you know,” is the opposite of faking. It is about zooming out to examine the wider landscape of knowledge that can and ought to be brought to bear on your situation, rather than getting faked out by unwarranted (or partially warranted, or misdirected) anxiety. – Gena Gorlin
Acting on your fully considered judgment, even in the presence of conflicting emotions, is not “faking.” On the contrary, it is staying real with yourself. It is bringing your full knowledge—including but not limited to what you’re feeling—to bear on what you choose to do. It is acting with integrity.