Do you know why most people don’t meet their goals

January 6, 2023January 9, 2023 Neera

Because they set ‘means goal’ rather than ‘end goals.’

They think ‘means goals’ will lead them to their ‘end goals.’

They don’t.

Instead, they lead them to stress, anxiety, and dissatisfaction.

A ‘means goal’ is a means to an end.

Get good grades
so that you can get into a good university,
so that you can get a good job,
so that you can earn a good salary,
so that you can live a good life.

The ‘end goal’ here is to live a good life.

The ‘end goals’ are about fulfilling our potential, experiencing love, being truly happy, and contributing to the world.

Knowing the difference between ‘means goals’ and the ‘end goals’ is important.

‘Means goals’ usually have a “so” in them. ‘End goals’ are the result of being human.

The majority of people are so engrossed in fulfilling their ‘means goals,’ they lose touch with their ‘end goals.’

‘Means goals’ never end. As soon as you achieve one, the bar moves higher, and you end up setting another goal, and another, and another. Each one is more difficult than the previous one, leaving you unfulfilled and disenchanted.

‘End goals’ make you feel happy and fulfilled, taking the stress out while achieving them.

How to set ‘end goals?
By asking yourself 3 questions?

– What are the experiences you want in your life?
– How do you need to grow to have those experiences?
– How can you contribute to the rest of the world?

There is merit in looking at goal-setting in this way.

Since experiences are embedded at the emotional level, the desire to achieve them is much stronger.

Learning and growing are the essences of being human. Our soul wants to evolve through wisdom, new ideas, and new ways of perceiving the world.

When your goals are more than just personal achievements, the forces of the universe clear the path for you.

Use the 3 Questions Technique to set goals this year in the following three categories, and you will find you will achieve more with less stress.

Don’t set SMART goals

January 6, 2023January 6, 2023 Neera

They don’t work.

For the last five decades, we have been fed the belief to set Specific, Measurable, Achievable, Realistic, and Time-bound goals. The problem is, such goals are either Outcome-based or Process-based.

“This year I will lose 10 pounds,” is an outcome-based goal.

“This year I will go to the gym and eat healthily,” is a process-based goal.

Both don’t work.

Because “these goals are filtered through our self-image and if inconsistent, are rejected or modified,” said Maxwell Maltz, the writer of ‘Psycho-Cybernetics.’

James Clear, the author of ‘Atomic Habits,’ who has been studying habits and goal setting for more than a decade suggests setting identity-based goals.

He famously said, “You don’t rise to the level of your goals, you fall to the level of your system.”

Your goals are your desired outcomes, and your system is the collection of daily habits that will get you there.

If you are not achieving your goals, your identity is holding you back.

Your identity is your self-image chosen for you, by you.

The more pride you have in a particular aspect of your identity, the more motivated you will be to maintain the habits associated with it.

“I am the type of person who eats healthy and never misses a workout,” is an identity-based goal.

My husband wakes up at five and goes for a walk every day, come rain, hail, or shine. He can’t miss his walk because walking is part of his identity.

I wake up at six and write for two hours, and don’t ever miss it. Writing is part of my identity.

Set identity-based goals, rather than rather than outcome or process-based goals and you will have a better chance of achieving them.

Who says New Year resolutions don’t work

January 6, 2023January 6, 2023 Neera

1st of January is no ordinary date.

I have been keeping tabs on my New Year’s resolutions for the past four years, and I have not only met them but exceeded them.

Here is an interesting study to prove why.

Katy Milkman was hired by Google to find out why their employees don’t take advantage of several perks offered to them, at significant cost, to exercise, eat better, learn new skills, stop smoking, save for retirement, use social media in moderation.

She found since those incentives were available all year round
employees were less motivated to avail them.

She wrote in her book, “How to Change,” most people start a new project or a new habit on a Monday, or on the 1st of a month, or at the start of the year. When they want to make change happen, people instinctively gravitate toward moments that feel like a fresh start.

A New Year typically exerts a far more significant influence on behavior than a typical Monday. So do other landmarks such as birthdays or anniversaries. The more prominent the landmark, the more likely it is to help people take a step back, regroup, and make a clean break from the past.

Surveys might say 80% of New Year’s resolutions fail, but they fail to take into account that 20% of goal-setters make a successful change, thanks to a flip of the calendar.

Set your resolution with confidence. Be one of the 20% to make whatever change you want to make in your life. Today is the day to start a new chapter in the book of your life.

How was your first day of 2024?

January 1, 2023October 23, 2024 Neera

Mine was relaxed and productive.

I meditated first thing in the morning to set the intention for the whole year.

I wrote and published my first Twitter thread.

I had just a banana for breakfast and started two days of fasting routine to follow in 2024.

Then I started a new challenge. To draw a sketch a day and to post it on Instagram.

I drew my friend’s house, who lives in my street.

What ‘one thing’ you did on the first day of 2024?

10 Astonishing Places I Visited in 2022

December 31, 2022March 18, 2023 Neera

After two and half years of being stranded at home, my husband and I took full advantage of the uplifting of travel restrictions and traveled extensively. I went down memory lane (more precisely, the Photo folder on my iPhone) and reminded myself how many places I had visited this year.

It would take me months to capture all the memories I formed, the cultures I have experienced, and the unique places I have been to. In a true end-of-the-year style recap, I am going to list ten places (I have been to more than ten places this year) and one thing I liked the most about the place.

Tasmania

In March, my husband and I visited Tasmania, the island state of Australia. Even though we have been living in Australia for thirty-five years, we had not been there. How unfortunate! Because Tasmania is beautiful.

We spent a week there. Drove through the whole Island practically. But one thing that sticks to the memory was the walk around Dove Lake in Cradle Mountain. It was just a 6km walk and took us two hours to complete it, but it was so much fun because we were racing to complete it before clouds drenched us completely or the park got closed, and we were stranded there for the night.

Dove Lake in Cradle Mountain — Image by the author

Ireland

Ireland was not what I expected it to be (cold and miserable), and everything I didn’t expect it to be. Laid back, relaxed, fun and full of history. We spent seven days there, and each day was full of new revelations about the people and places. I loved the places, but I loved the people much more.

My favorite part of the whole trip was the visit to Kylemore Abbey. After half a day of driving through the wilderness, when the property came into sight, it blew everyone away. And it had a history to match.

London

London is my favorite city in Europe so far. Not because my daughter lives there and not because I have been there twice and spent most of the time exploring it, but because, being a history buff, I love the stories associated with each landmark, street, and nook & corner.

That is why my favorite place in London is the museums. All of them. I had been to the British Museum and Victoria and Albert Museum on the previous visit. On this trip, we spent a day each in the Natural History Museum and Tate Modern and loved them both.

We went back to the British Museum and Victoria and Albert Museum again and spent half a day each in both. But the standout memory was sitting in the Victoria and Albert Museum and sketching.

Brussels

Brussels was not on my bucket list. I had never thought of visiting it, but when my daughter and son-in-law suggested that since we were going to Amsterdam, we should include Brussels in our itinerary, we agreed.

I am so glad we did. I loved the city. I loved the people. I loved the festive vibe of the whole place. And, of course, I loved the chocolates and waffles, and fries (I didn’t try the Belgian Mussels).

But most of all, I loved the architecture. That’s why the Grand Plaza is a standout in my memory. I couldn’t close my mouth, which opened with awe when we reached there through a small alleyway. While there, we visited it three times and saw the golden light from the sun make the golden building glitter even more.

Brussels Grand-Place — Image by the author

Amsterdam

Everybody loves Amsterdam. So I was told. When I got there, I found out why. The city had a different pace of life. I don’t know whether it was because of the particularly hot days we were there, or the city had too many tourists after the pandemic, or because the Dutch like to have fun, the whole city center was having a big party.

We spent the day roaming the city streets, catching the trains and buses to go anywhere we wanted and get there in time (we never had to wait for a train or a bus for more than five minutes). The stand-out memory was a visit to the windmills in Zaandam.

Windmills in Zaandam — Image by the author

Bruges

Who would have thought that this tiny little sleepy town was the gateway to Europe in the 13th and 14th centuries? Just a couple of hours train ride from Brussels, its UNESCO-listed city center, was worth spending the day in.

We had two walking tours and a boat ride, and I loved it. We went underneath several low bridges, bridges so low that we had to duck our heads. We went past the lover’s bridge, the house Monet rented to paint, and World’s oldest hospital.

Alicante

We happened to be in Alicante (Spain) on the day the famous Saint Juan’s festival started. We watched the opening parade where girls, young and old, dressed in elaborate costumes in the midsummer heat, walked through the city streets. Men too were dressed to match.

The whole city was at one big party.

Three days later, we went back there to see the bonfires of the massive statues they had erected. So much music, so much excitement. Even though every second shop was a restaurant and they had set up hundreds of tables and chairs on the street, it took us four hours to get a place to eat lunch. I loved it. I absolutely loved it.

Ladakh

In Ladakh (India), I drove on the highest motorable road in the world and visited the highest saltwater lake in the world. At 4350m above sea level, this turquoise blue was so big that we drove for half an hour to get to our campsite.

Extending to almost 160km, only one-third of the lake lies in India and the other two-thirds in China. But my favorite part of the visit to Ladakh is the drive to Turtuk village, a small village on the Indo-Pak border. The drive beside the Shyok river was breathtaking.

Pelling (Sikkim — India)

We spent a week in Sikkim, the newest state in India. Sikkim used to be a separate country until it merged with India in 1975. There is a lot to be written about the Sikkim trip, but what stands out is the view of Kanchenjunga, the third-highest mountain in the world, from our hotel in Pelling.

What is intriguing, the peak is only visible early in the morning. When the first sunrays hit, it turns golden, making it look divine.

The Kangchenjunga is considered a sacred mountain in Sikkim, and climbing is not allowed.

Kangchenjunga mountain — Image by the author

Khajuraho (India)

The temples of Khajuraho need to be seen to be believed. Built between 950 AD — 1050 AD by the Chandela dynasty. There is an interesting story behind these temples.

The Moon God, while bathing in a river, saw a beautiful young daughter of a priest. He seduces her, and a child was born of their union. He was called Chandravarman — the son of the Moon God. The boy grew up to find the great Chandel dynasty.

When he was an established ruler, he had a visitation by his mother in a dream. She implored him to build temples that would revere human passions and, in doing so, bring about a realization of the emptiness of human desires.

Chandravarman began the construction of the first temple. Subsequent rulers followed his vision, and in an amazingly short span of 100 years, 85 temples were built. Today, only 22 of those have survived. The rest were destroyed during successive attacks by Muslim invaders.

Today the temples are a symbol of how advanced architecture, sculpture art, philosophy, and spirituality were at that time. Below is the most magnificent and intact temple of Khajuraho, called the temple of Kandariya Mahadeva.

Kandariya Mahadeva temple — Image by the author

That’s a glimpse of places I visited in 2022 and what stood out in my memory. I am hoping 2023 will surpass 2022, and I will get to share more stories with you.

100 Things that made my year (2022)

December 30, 2022January 6, 2023 Neera

I am taking another leaf out of Austin Kleon, an author I admire a lot, and creating a list of 100 things that made my year. I think it’s a good way of keeping a tab on all that happened in the year.

Here is my list:

Creating my negative manifesto where I listed the things I will NOT do in 2022. I did stick with them, to some extent.
Creating an Author Business Plan for 2022 and setting ‘Growth’ as the theme of the year and “Make sure my creativity injects hope in this world,” as my guiding principle for the year.
Creating an Author’s Planner and Bullet Journal and using it throughout the year to keep a tab on the projects, yearly and monthly goals, and daily To Do list.
Developing the habit of going to the gym in the morning and attending group classes 5 days a week.
Making two trips to Melbourne, the city I call home, to attend our friend’s son’s wedding.
Spending two nights in Yarra Valley with friends.
Attending Zoom meetings with other Substack writers in the pacific region.
Having dinner with my writing group.
Taking part in 30 Days LinkedIn sprint and publishing on LinkedIn for 30 days in a row, making hundreds of friends all over the world.
Picnic in Weston Park to celebrate my sister-in-law’s 40th Anniversary.
Learning that I am a rebel and I will always break rules.
Doing a course on Amazon advertisements.
Hiring an office space for a month to work on my next book, Productive Writer (Still not finished).
Publishing my third book ‘Dare To Create,’ my story of ditching the competitive life to lead a creative life.
Learning to tell stories with dots and lines from Oscar Alonsa of 72kilo and creating a story with 30 sketches.
Starting a newsletter on LinkedIn which grew to 750+ subscribers in a matter of a few weeks.
Devising the leggo block technique of writing 250 words in 25 minutes.
Recording my intro on video and publishing it on LinkedIn.
Joining the rhythm class at my gym and learning basic dance moves.
Upgrading my computer and buying Mac Air.
Developing a file structure based on PARA Method and organizing the digital clutter I have accumulated over two decades.
Using Zero Inbox Strategy to get rid of 7000+ emails from my inbox.
Going to the Blue Mountains, and visiting Eco point, Katoomba Falls, and Dinosaur Valley.
Learning about the Four Zone of Competence.
Announcing a book writing sprint on LinkedIn and had 16 people join in.
Recording the course in two days flat.
Running the three iterations of the ‘Write Your Book In 30 Days,’ course.
Starting a testimonial page.
Opening a Stripe business account.
Watching Season 6 of Crown, and Seasons 1 and 2 of Succession on Netflix.
Writing a cookbook for my daughters, and all those who what to learn north Indian cooking in an easy way.
One week holiday with friends and family at Launceston and Hobart in Tasmania.
Doing an exercise in slowing down and paying attention.
Having all-day-writing days with my writing buddy Fiona.
Making up for not being able to travel for the past two years and traveling to Ireland, London, Amsterdam, Brussels, Bruges, and Spain.
Starting travel diaries on Procreate.
Doing a course on LinkedIn.
Getting ten reviews on my book How To Write and Publish an eBook in One Week.
Starting a new hobby, urban sketching.
Starting using Obsidian as my notes-taking tool and devised a method to link notes.
Writing a mini-guide on How To Create Your First Digital Product (in three hours) and making it available for FREE.
Doing courses on Domestika (Tell Stories Through Recipes, The Art of Sketching, Draw Your Inner Universe, Urban Sketching, and Architectural Sketching with Watercolour and Ink).
Updating my website and turning it into a repository of my published work.
Learning a simple framework for non-fiction storytelling and using it to improve stories in my articles and books.
Attending a wedding in India.
Traveling to Ladakh, Chandigarh, Khajuraho, Sikkim, and Darjeeling and writing stories about them.
Visiting the place of my birth, Amritsar, and meeting my childhood friends.
Heartwarming comments on my articles, newsletters, and books.
Shopping in India.
Working on my novel and taking it to the next level.
My younger daughter and son-in-law’s visit.
My elder son-in-law’s surprise visit from UK.
Doing a course ‘Speak Like A Leader’ and improving my skills to speak to a camera.
Buying a ring light, tripod, and mike for making videos.
Learning and using Notion for planning.
Several catch-ups with friends and family.
Reading Lynda Barry’s books.
Walking in the afternoons and meditating on a bench in the park.
Starting the paid version, Behind The Scenes, of my newsletter and writing 16 issues of it.
Realizing I am a multipotentialite, which means I have many interests and creative pursuits and I want to pursue all of them.
Starting My Commonplace Book, a new publication on Medium.
Growing my subscriber numbers on Substack, Medium, and LinkedIn.
Ilona Goanos writing a post about me.
Reading Helen Garner’s diaries.
Sketching with pens.
Publishing my short stories on A Whimsical Writer.
Making an income from my writing.
Getting my ABN number as a writer for tax purposes.
Adding another income stream, Gumroad to my portfolio.
Winning NaNoWriMo and Writing a book in public. Published Adventures of An Online Writer, as I wrote it, one chapter at a time.
Learning Dean Wesley Smith’s single draft and cyclic writing method.
Going to Bateman’s Bay with my writing buddies and writing for the whole weekend.
Writing and publishing the second book of the year, Writer’s Toolkit, and making it available for FREE.
Playing cards till late at night with friends (with money and winning).
Playing with my niece’s daughter.
Designing my own book covers.
Adopting Heinlein’s Six Rules of Writing.
Sharing my friends’ courageous survival story on Women’s day, which also was her 85th Birthday.
Sending food to this friend of mine every Monday (for the past 3 years).
Attending two of my nephew’s daughters’ first birthdays.
Celebrating my birthday in India.
Reading 30+ books.
Drawing 300+ sketches in my diary.
Writing 98 Medium articles and 52 issues of A Whimsical Writer newsletter.
Writing 300+ posts on LinkedIn and categorizing them in a Google Doc.
Buying Tesla, our first EV car.
Teaching. Helping five writers write their books.
Joining Mindvalley and learning the Silva Method to work less and produce more.
Getting rid of sugar addiction for ever using Silva 3 Scenes meditation technique.
Learning Segment Intending exercise to get rid of stress and anxiety from my day.
Starting noticing magic in my days.
Using the 3 Questions technique to set real goals for next year.
Joining Ship30for30.
Finding my niche.
Mending clothes.
Cleaning cupboards and getting rid of junk.
Working with another creator of a project to be launched next year.
BBQ on Christmas day with friends and family.
Writing 100 things that made my year.
Creating the Author’s Planner and Bullet Journal for 2023.

It took me a long time to compile this list, but it was well worth it. If forgot everything I didn’t achieve this year and said Goodbye to 2022 with 100 things that put a smile on my face.

To make the exercise easy for next year, I have included them in the Author’s Planner and Bullet Journal. It is available for FREE at Gumroad. Download it here.

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