Category: Motivation

Two questions to ask yourself

Neera

Two questions you need to ask yourself.

  1. What will your success look like?
  2. At what point you will quit?

A few years ago, I read a book by Seth Godin called “The Dip.” It had a huge impact on me.

The dip is the lull in the excitement that happens after the rush of starting something new wears off. On the other side of the dip is success. The dip weeds out the people who will not make it. They hit the dip and give up.

A cul-de-sac, (French for “dead end”) is a situation where you work and work and work and nothing happens. Do you work through burnout, or do you recognize it as a cul-de-sac and just give it up so you can move on to something else?

There is nothing wrong with quitting. Winners quit all the time, they quit fast; they quit often and they quit without guilt. But they don’t quit before they are ready to quit. They determine beforehand when will they quit.

Here’s something I can tell you about the book I’m writing now. The one I’m burned out on and would love to never think about again.

I was excited about it until it dragged on and on and on. I have rewritten it at least six times. I am finding it hard to keep going. I’m in the dip for this project. But I am not going to quit. Because I had decided beforehand that I will quit if I can’t reach the mid-point. Once I crossed the mid-point I will keep going and publish the book no matter how unhappy I am with it.

I have passed the mid-point. The end part is not fun anymore. But it doesn’t have to be fun to be worth it. I am climbing through the dip,
to get to the other end.

Here’s an assignment for you:
Write down under what circumstances you’ll quit.

And then stick with it until then.

Decide who you want to be…

Neera

When I was growing up, I did not know what I wanted to be. but I knew what I didn’t want to be.

I knew for sure, that I didn’t want to be a teacher. Both my parents were teachers and I thought their life was boring.

Where my friend’s parents held “exciting” jobs (they were doctors, and engineers, owned a business or worked for the government). My parents went to school for the rest of their lives. ?

My lack of direction led to my biggest failure in life. I couldn’t pass the entrance exam to medical school. So clueless was I that I thought,
none of my friends will get through, as it is practically impossible to prepare for five subjects in a single day.

They all did. I was the only one who didn’t.

My friends wanted to become doctors. While I didn’t know what I wanted.

As life progressed, I stumbled through many professions, without much of a career goal. I followed a path I could see in front of me and took the opportunities as they arose.

But then, in my late fifties, I suddenly knew what I wanted to be.

I wanted to be a writer. Not just a writer, but an author of several books. But there was one tiny problem. My writing sucked.

But that minor detail didn’t stop me from becoming what I wanted to become. In mere four years, I became the author of four books.

Don’t underestimate the power of your desire. If your desire is strong enough, the universe bends it’s back to give you what you want.

But you got to know what you want.

Dolly Parton said, “Find out who you are and do it on purpose.”

It can’t be easier than that.

A Little Journal That Changed My Life

Neera

Years ago, I came across the idea of keeping a gratitude journal.

Dutifully, I bought a small spiral notebook and started writing three things I was grateful for

They were not big things, but little things like the yellow rose in my garden, the air-conditioning in my car, and a new pair of shoes that were sleek and comfortable.

That practice didn’t last for long.

I stopped and started several times.

Years later, when I was going through a bad patch in life, I stumbled upon the spiral notebook while going through my closet.

Rather than chucking the partially filled notebook into the bin, I opened it and started reading the entries.

Half an hour later, I was sitting on the floor, leaned against the closet, tears rolling down my eyes.

There were so many good things that happened in my life, and here I was agonizing over the little stuff.

Rather than feeling like a victim of fate, I saw how many blessings it had bestowed on me.

A gratitude journal may not seem a big thing while you are writing it, but over time, it becomes a powerful reminder of all the good things that happen to you.

I still don’t write in the journal every day. But it has got a permanent place on my bedside table and now and then, I pick it up, and jot down the three things I am grateful for.

Image by the author

If you haven’t got a gratitude journal, I strongly urge you to start one.

It will change your life.

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Applying ‘Goldilocks Rule’ To Stay Motivated

Neera

You can apply the ‘Goldilocks Rule’ to stay motivated. Here is how:

Imagine you’re playing a new board game with some friends. The game is so challenging, you can’t even win a single point. And no matter how many hours you put into it, you don’t get any better. Chances are, you’d grow frustrated and want to give up.

Now imagine the flip side.

The game is so easy, you win every single time without any effort. While your ego may get a boost, it would probably get pretty boring. And you give it up.

Either way, you lose your motivation.

Because motivation requires just the right amount of challenge. Not too much. Not too little. Just like Goldilocks!

‘Goldilocks Rule’ is worth considering with whatever you do. If things are too easy, you’ll get bored. If they’re too hard, you’ll get frustrated. Do you need to add a new challenge to spice things up?

Alternatively, do you need to purposely make things EASIER so you can actually get some quick ‘wins’ under your belt?

There’s no right answer. This is something to regularly calibrate each day.

When Your Passion Becomes Your Obsession

Neera

There is a difference between passion and obsession.

Passion is a positive word that leads to growth, self-improvement, and perhaps one’s purpose in life; obsession, on the other hand, has a negative connotation about it, which could lead to being out of control and even mentally sick.

When you are passionate, everybody cheers you on, “Oh! you found your passion. Great! Be passionate! Follow your passion! Reach your goals! Live your dream!” People encourage you because they think you are on to something.

But when you are obsessed, they go, “Why you gotta be so crazy? Why do you spend so much time on [thing]?” Why can’t you be reasonable about it?” “You don’t have to be so preoccupied with it, it’s just a hobby (or a job, or a sport), isn’t it?”

When you are obsessed, people think you are nuts.

In life, you have a choice. You can either be passionate or obsessed.

Both choices are fine.

Being passionate about something is being in love with life.

But being obsessed with something is living life at another level.

I chose to be obsessed.

I don’t know when my passion for writing turned into an obsession.

When I started writing, I found the activity so calming and fulfilling that I became passionate about it. I dedicated time to it and strived to improve. As I became better and better at giving words to my thoughts, I started feeling good about my writing.

I could pour out all my frustrations, my negativity, my fears, my anger, my joy, and my daily happenings into my diary.

And that was when the problem began.

Something inside me changed. I craved writing all the time. I had to write every day. The day I didn’t write, was a day that didn’t exist for me.

I would rather write than attend a party or meet a friend for coffee, or go for a swim, or go for a walk.

My passion had become an obsession.

The Cambridge dictionary defines passion as an extreme interest in or wishes for doing something.

While an obsession is something that you think about all the time.

A passion is “extreme” but the aspect of time isn’t present.

An obsession stays “all the time”.

I think about writing all the time.

I work on getting better every day. I don’t rest. I can’t let it go. I am not content with my progress. I want to get better. I can’t accept the level I am at the moment. I know I could be better. I will continue to work on it until I reach the level where I want to be.

If you really want to achieve something worth achieving, you must get obsessed.

If you are not obsessed, you are not operating at your optimum potential.

If no one thinks you are crazy, you are not there yet.

You are not there yet until somebody in your life says, “Jee! you really care about this in a crazy way.” That’s when people see your obsession.

The weirder you are, the more committed you are to focus on your thing.

Obsession forces you to stay focused.

Obsession makes you keep going when others are partying, socializing, having fun, sleeping, or simply fitting in.

Obsession empowers you to find new ways to learn, to push your comfort zone, and to push yourself beyond what others or even you thought was not possible.

I love this quote from one of Bukowski’s numerous letters:

My dear,

Find what you love and let it kill you. Let it drain from you your all. Let it cling onto your back and weigh you down into eventual nothingness. Let it kill you, and let it devour your remains.

For all things will kill you, both slowly and fastly, but it’s much better to be killed by a lover.

Falsely yours,

Henry Charles Bukowski

I will rather let writing kill me than give it up for a mediocre life.

Are you passionate about something?

Is it turning into an obsession?