Building Habits Is Hard—Particularly Good Habits.

Neera

Building habits is hard—particularly good habits.

How can I go to the gym every morning but can’t eat Healthy?

I have been able to nail many habits I struggled with previously, such as daily writing, morning gym, and weekly posting of the newsletter, but then there are other habits I haven’t been able to nail.

For ten years, I have been trying to reduce my sugar intake and control my weight, but I keep falling in and out of healthy eating habits.

Why?

Seems like I found the answer.

According to Gretchen Rubin, habit-building depends on how you respond to expectations. When we try to form a new habit, we set an expectation for ourselves. So it is crucial to understand how we respond to expectations.

There are two kinds of expectations:

  1. Outer expectations — meet work deadlines, observe traffic regulations, etc.
  2. Inner expectations — write daily, keep New Year’s resolutions, etc.

Our response to expectations determines our tendencies to build habits.

Knowing our tendency can help us set up situations in which it is more likely that we’ll achieve our aims. We can make better decisions, meet deadlines, meet our promises to ourselves, suffer less stress, and engage more deeply with others.

In the book The Four Tendencies, Gretchen Rubin hypothesized that to respond to expectations, just about everyone falls into one of four distinct groups:

  • Upholder
  • Questioner
  • Obliger or
  • Rebel
Image Source

Upholders

Upholders respond readily to both outer and inner expectations. They wake up and think, What is on schedule and the To-Do List for today? They want to know what is expected of them and to meet those expectations. They are self-directed and have little trouble meeting commitments, keeping resolutions, or meeting deadlines.

Questioners

Questioners question all expectations. They will meet expectations only if they believe it is justified. They wake up and think, What needs to get done today and why? They decide for themselves whether a course of action is a good idea and they resist doing anything that seems to lack sound purpose.

Obligers

Obligers respond readily to outer expectations, but struggle to meet inner expectations. They wake up and think, What must I do today? Because Obligers resist inner expectations, it’s difficult for them to self-motivate to build a habit. They depend on external accountability.

Rebels

Rebels resist all expectations and will meet an expectation only as an act of choice. They value their freedom and won’t tolerate it for anything. They wake up and think, What do I want to do today? They resist control, even self-control, and enjoy flouting rules and expectations.

You can take a quiz on Gretchen Rubin’s website to find out what is your tendency. It surely helps you know what tendency you are to figure out what measures to take to make sure you build the habit you are trying to build.

Seems like I am a rebel. I resist control. I set up routines and then break them because I get sick of them. I like waking up and asking myself What can I eat today?

It used to be the same with writing as well. I hated to stick with one niche. I wanted to write whatever I feel like. I still do. What kept me in writing and helped me develop consistency is the variety. The more varied topics I write about, the more excited I get.

I have applied the same approach to losing weight. I tried different diets. But that didn’t work. As you know, diets only want you to eat more when you come out of them. And then you gain all the weight you have lost.

I still have to find a way to build a healthy eating habits. And I think the answer lies in Identity Based Habit. I will write about it next.

The Inner Game Of Writing

Neera

In an interview with The Players Tribune, eight-time Grand Slam winner Andre Agassi revealed how he defeated then champion Boris Becker.

Becker and Agassi were both at the top of their game in the late 80s and early 90s. Boris Becker had beaten Agassi three times. He was a top-ranking player at the time because of his unique serve, something the game had never seen before.

Knowing he had to raise his game when it came to countering the German’s serve, Agassi managed to develop a unique way of reading his great rival’s serve.

He watched tape after tape of Becker’s matches and realized he did this weird tick with his tongue.

“I’m not kidding. said Agassi, “He would go into his rocking motion, his same routine, and just as he was about to toss the ball, he would stick his tongue out.”

“And it would either be right in the middle of his lip,” he revealed, “or to the left corner of his lip.”

Agassi figured out that while serving in the deuce court, if Boris put his tongue in the middle of his lip, he would either serve at the middle or to the body. But if he would put his tongue to the side, he would serve out wide.

He used this knowledge to predict his opponent’s game and started winning against him. By the time they hung their rackets, Agassi had won ten matches against Becker.

But he had to remain tight-lipped about his discovery.

“The hardest part wasn’t returning his serve — it was not letting him know that I knew this,” Agassi said.

“I had to resist the temptation of reading his serve for the majority of the match and choose the moment when I was gonna use that information on a given point to execute a shot that would allow me to break the match open.”

A few years later, he finally gave away the secret at Oktoberfest.

They went out and had a pint of beer together, and Agassi couldn’t help but say, “By the way, did you know you used to do this and give away your serve?”

Becker almost fell off the chair.

He said, “I used to go home all the time and tell my wife. It’s like he reads my mind. Little did I know, you were just reading my tongue.”

Agassi was able to win because he spent time studying his opponent.

Writing is a game too. Some people are better at it than others.

I often ask myself, if writing is a game, then how do you win it?

My answer: by studying other writers.

Like Agassi, we need to invest time to learn from the masters.

The one thing that holds so many writers back is their mindset. The inner critic is real, and it has far more power than we realize.

If you can learn to silence the inner critic, anything is possible. You can put yourself in a position to win. (Note I said “put yourself in a position to win,” not “win.”)

The way I beat my inner critic is by doing whatever I want. I write the stories I’m passionate about, pick projects that energize me, and focus on having fun. My inner critic doesn’t show up if I do things for fun. It only shows up if I am serious about something.

I have been writing a book on productivity for about six months. I have tried to finish it three times. Each time, my inner critic sat on my shoulder and told me it is not good enough.

I started a project on organizing my files on Obsidian, and my inner critic didn’t bother showing up. It was a fun project. Had it been a serious project, he would have sat on my shoulder again and wouldn’t let me proceed.

I am going to trick my inner critic again. I want to write a book about my trip to UK and Spain. I told my inner critic that I would not write a book but doddle a book.

He blinked and said, “So, how would you publish it?”

“I will not publish it,” I responded. “I might write an occasional post about it on LinkedIn.”

He looked at me as if I had gone mad, though for a second, then said okay and disappeared.

I didn’t tell him what my actual plan was. For a long time, I have wanted to write a book like that of Lynda Berry.

Lynda Berry.

Image from Pinterest

I experimented with it while travelling.

While travelling to unknown places, I notice several things that otherwise I don’t. I want to capture those. If my notes turn out well, I might collate them and turn them into a book.

Like Agassi, I will not tell my inner critic until after.

Have You Got Stuck Recently Thinking About What You Should Write

Neera

Here are 3 things you should consider.

Your story

If you are stuck figuring out what you should write, then your focus is in the wrong place. You are getting fixated on things like subject matter and niche. And all these are not essential to developing your calling as a writer.

The words you say are the paint on the house. The foundation is the belief behind them, which is something most writers miss.

As writers, we must begin, not with what we say, but with how we say it. People care more about the why than the what.

In other words: voice trumps the subject.

Everyone has a story. The easiest way to find your voice is to tell yours.

People connect to other people’s experiences, especially when it’s painful to embarrassing. When you share yours, you’re inviting others into a place where they feel heard. Write one true, vulnerable story, and see how people connect.

Your purpose

Your work has to have a purpose.

If you make something because you like it or because you think it’s necessary, the best you can hope for is a small audience who agrees. In the worst case, you’ll have an audience of one — you.

But if you can answer the question, “who is my work for?” and “what does my work do?” you will attract a large audience who will benefit from your work.

Many people say, “I’m a writer.”

Fewer can say, “I’m a writer whose words help people overcome mental health issues.”

Even fewer can say, “I’m a writer whose words help people overcome mental health issues, particularly depression, with a focus on actionable frameworks.”

When you get clear on why you are doing something, the who and the how becomes easier.

When you know your purpose, you discover the audience.

No matter what you make or what you make it about, you have to make it for something. Your work has to have a purpose.

We all need to figure out “who are we writing for” and “what does my work do?”

Does it entertain or inform?
Does it solve a problem?
Does it provide a service?
Does it make a person’s life easier?

Answering these questions can help unlock your true potential.

Your business

What is your business?

A blog is not a business. A podcast is not a business. A YouTube channel is not a business. Content is marketing.

A business is activities that produce and sell goods and services for profit. A business model turns your blog, your podcast and your YouTube channel into a business.

What is a business model? A business model is a plan for the successful operation of a business, identifying sources of revenue, and the intended customer base, building products to meet their needs and selling them while making a profit.

Understanding these concepts is important.

Many writers do not understand the basics of a business.

In the writing industry, the following story plays out time and time again. It typically goes something like this:

A person discovers blogging for the first time while sitting in their cubicle at their day job or waiting on the kids to get home from school. They get lost in this new world they’ve discovered, reading everything they can find on the subject. They get their nerve up, buy a domain, and start a blog. They’ll worry about the money part later — the goal from the outset is simply to have a creative outlet… And then they wake up a year later wondering when the money part was supposed to happen. Did they miss a step?

Well, yes, they did. They forgot to make a product or service. At some point, every professional creator has to turn the corner from blogger-looking-for-a-creative-outlet to creator-trying-to-build-a-profitable-business.

The key change along the way? Start making money by building a product or service and selling it to your audience at a price that makes sense.

It’s important to choose a business model right in the beginning so that you can design your website, your content calendar, and all the rest of your marketing efforts to help build that business model.

Here are the four fundamental online business models you can choose from:

  • Ads, Sponsorships, & Affiliate Marketing
  • Physical Products (t-shirts, mugs, anything personalized)
  • Digital Products (books, novels, ebooks, workbooks, journals, planners, posters, wallpaper images)
  • Services (workshops, courses, coaching)

While Affiliate Marketing seems to be an easy way to start, it actually needs millions of visitors visiting your site for you to make any money from it.

Digital Products and Services are a good starting point.

Forget about Ads and Sponsorships until you have millions of views each week.

Your homework this week:

  • Choose your business model.
  • Make two digital products.
  • Offer the first one for free so that people get to know your work. (Mine is at the end of this article).
  • Put up the second one for a low price so that people don’t hesitate to buy.

Every professional has tools specific to their trade.

Plumbers have tools; electricians have tools, and so do the doctors and engineers.

Writers too need tools to be effective in their trade.

Download my latest book, Writer’s Toolkit, for free.

Selfish vs Selfless

Neera

Since childhood, we are told not to be selfish. Instead, we are trained to consider others’ needs before ours. In other words, be selfless.

But is it good advice?

Being selfish is putting your own needs ahead of others, often to their detriment, and being selfless is putting others’ needs ahead of your own, often to your own detriment.

Caring for others is one of the most common values people hold. When they act in line with this value, it gives them a sense of meaning and fulfillment.

But the same people cringe when the concept of self-care is presented to them.

“Oh no, this is being selfish,” is a typical response.

If caring for others is meaningful, then why caring for yourself, and putting your own needs upfront is wrong?

We often get trapped into believing in selflessness and selfishness as polarised actions. We see that if we are either focusing on the needs of others (being selfless) or ignoring the needs of others (being selfish). We do not see a continuum where there is a spot for self-care to sit in the middle.

The balance between selfishness and selflessness is called “contribution” and requires the self-awareness to know what your needs are and how to meet them. Contribution is the desire to give others what they truly desire and fulfill our own desires.

It turns out that people who value caring for others tend to feel glory in sacrificing their own needs.

Being a martyr becomes their identity, and it impacts their behavior so much that they can’t say no to others’ requests. As a result, they have difficulty maintaining boundaries and usually have relationships that aren’t balanced.

Then there is an aversion to being seen as self-indulgent.

There is a perception that self-care is the same as being self-indulgent. However, self-indulgence is a temporary and often unhelpful way of trying to avoid facing and changing what is happening. Think about all of those chocolate ads where the person finally gets to relax and have a break.

Self-care is about growth and change. It is about shifting the imbalance and building a healthier, more resilient self.

When you value and practice self-care, it creates a ripple effect for you and those you care about.

Selflessness can only be sustained if your own desires are fulfilled. If your own well is empty, you won’t be able to help others. Choosing to deny your desires simply because they are YOUR desires is stupid. You are a person of this universe, as important as the persons you are serving. Then why your desires should be dismissed?

If you are hoping (or expecting) that others will be selfless and put your desires before their own, you are mistaken. I am sure you have experienced that multiple times but still failed to acknowledge that while you were being selfless, others were busy being selfish.

We respectable types, especially women, are raised to think a life well-spent means helping others. Plenty of self-help gurus affirm that kindness, generosity, and volunteering are the routes to happiness.

There’s truth here, but it generally gets tangled up with deep-seated guilt and self-esteem issues. Meanwhile, the people who boast all day on Twitter about their charity work aren’t being selfless at all; they are massaging their egos.

If you’re prone to thinking you should be helping more, that’s probably a sign that you could afford to direct more energy to your own ambitions and enthusiasms.

As the Buddhist teacher Susan Piver observes, it’s radical, at least for some of us, to ask how we’d enjoy spending an hour or day of “me” time.

And the irony is that you don’t serve anyone else by suppressing your true passions anyway.

More often than not, by doing your thing – as opposed to what you think you ought to be doing – you kindle a fire that helps keep the rest of us warm.

So what are you going to do today to be selfish?

How To Set Up A Good LinkedIn Profile

Neera

As a writer, I find the hardest thing to write is the ‘About’ page – whether it is my website, Medium, or LinkedIn.

There is something about writing ‘about yourself’ that everyone finds intimidating.

Whatever I write seems inadequate.

How can you encapsulate so much about yourself in a few hundred words?

Thankfully, LinkedIn has made the job much easier.

It gives a template, a space to write your bio, and a section to provide links to learn more about your work (or if you choose to market your products).

Perhaps because LinkedIn started as a resume sharing platform.

But now, it is emerging as a communication platform for entrepreneurs and solopreneurs (that includes authorpreneurs) to share ideas, find clients, and grow businesses.

Second only to Twitter in terms of making connections and growing your network, it is imperative to have a good LinkedIn Profile.

Why is it essential to have a good LinkedIn Profile?

Your LinkedIn profile is your landing page to manage your brand.

It is an excellent way to let people know who you are, what you stand for, and what you’re interested in.

It is your storyboard, where people can find you and stay updated on your activity.

Five ways LinkedIn profile helps you.

  • To build your network.
  • To establish you as an expert in your field.
  • To manage your professional brand.
  • To avail global opportunities.
  • To track your professional milestones.

In a nutshell, your LinkedIn profile helps you get noticed.

Since your clients, recruiters and readers check your profile to know more about you, make sure your profile is complete and representative of you.

Image by the author

You need to optimize every touchpoint to build a following.

Let’s take them one by one.

Banner Image

Your banner is the prime real estate, which is the first thing people notice when looking at your profile.

You can use it effectively by bringing attention to what you want people to notice about you.

I have highlighted my books on my banner image, which I have created in Canva. It highlights my most important skill of being an author.

Image by the author

It also has my photo. A good profile photo increases the credibility of your profile and helps you stand out from the crowd.

LinkedIn users with a profile photo get up to 21 times more views than members without a photo.

You can also record and display a video on your profile introducing yourself, your achievement, and how you can help your clients/readers.

Tagline

Your tagline is the second most important thing people notice on your profile. Make it work for you.

My tagline is: Turn your big idea into a book with me in 30 days.

It explains my service in a sentece.

Read a few taglines and see which one stands out for you. Then tailor yours accordingly.

Featured

You can showcase work samples you are most proud of in the Featured section. It could be your posts, articles, newsletter, media or external links.

It is the most important section for marketing.

You can showcase as many items as you like, but I prefer three to keep it simple.

The three things you should have is:

  1. A Free Offer
  2. Your signature course offer
  3. A call for subscription, often to your newsletter
Image by the author

Many people try to put too many things in the Feature section. That dissuades people from exploring. When you have only a few, people check them out.

In my case, they are likely to click at least one or two links.

They might click on the free book offer to take them to a post where I give the link to download Writer’s Toolkit.

They might check out my course Write Your Book In 30 Days.

Or they might click the newsletter link, which will take them to my Substack page, where they can read some of my articles and subscribe.

Conclusion

So many people are intimidated by LinkedIn. Particularly how to fill in the profile information.

The best way is to find a few profiles you like and build your own based on that. If you like mine, feel free to use it as a template.

Concentrate on three primary areas, Banner, Tagline, and Featured, and ignore the rest for the time being. You can always fill them in later.

This is the simplest way to build a good LinkedIn profile.

There are plenty of help articles on LinkedIn. Just google your question, and one or more articles will appear to solve your problem.

If you still have any questions you think I can help you with, ask them in the comments section.

Good luck.

See you on LinkedIn.

This is part 3 of the series of posts I am doing on LinkedIn.

If you are interested, here is a list of my other articles about LinkedIn.

One Cool Way to Grow Your Audience Beyond Your Wildest Dream

Lesson Learned During 30 Day LinkedIn Sprint

How To Get Started On LinkedIn

How To Write A Good LinkedIn Post

Three Kinds Of Energies

Neera

Three kinds of energies are in play when you are working on a project.

When you start a new project, you are excited. It is like falling in love. You feel euphoric and invincible. You make announcements, start the project, and don’t mind working long hours. You are fuelled by what I call the Starting Energy.

As the time passes, the Starting Energy diminishes. You get into the thick of things and you feel less and less motivated. You’re still excited about the overall project, but you’re not so crazy about the nitty-gritty tasks that come as part of the project.

That is when you need the Keep-Going Energy. Keep-going energy does come by itself, you have to summon it. Every little bit you do during the keep-going phase counts toward realizing that end vision. You need your end vision to sustain this energy. If you lose that, the Keep Going energy fades away and you are left with an unfinished project.

Many people love to start new projects but don’t finish them. They lose the end vision.

It is when you need the third kind of energy – the Finishing Energy. The Finishing Energy doesn’t make you as euphoric as the Starting Energy does, but it gets lots done. Seeing your vision realized is a significant motivating factor that gets you to put in more effort than you usually would.

But when you can’t summon the Keep Going Energy or the Finishing Energy fails to appear you are left with many unfinished projects.

I, too, have several unfinished projects. Some are half done, others are in their infancy.

I have found a way to summon the Finishing Energy.

To assign them an end date just before the holidays.

I discovered this strategy by accident.

I am in Tasmania on an eight-day vacation. Before coming here I finished three projects.

  • Finished the book Writer’s Toolkit.
  • Finished conducting the ‘Write Your Book Sprint’ course.
  • Finished the first draft of the cookbook.

Rather than feeling stressed about projects during holidays, I have started giving myself deadlines to finish them before going on one.

Doing so helped me finish the projects in half the time. And it doubled holiday enjoyment. The elation of completing the work and the delight of no work during the break.

I am going to spend the next three weeks finishing some of my unfinished projects before going on overseas vacation on 21st of May.

Do you have projects that have been hanging on your neck for some time?

Here is what you can do to finish them.

  • Figure out which one you want to use. Not every project has to go to completion.
  • Set aside a month or a week (depending upon how much time you need) and work solely on finishing that project. Don’t start anything new.
  • Stop being a perfectionist. Get the project done first. You can always improve it later.
  • Make the project fun somehow. I have turned my cookbook into recipe cards that I will send to my readers sometime in the future. This fun idea helped me finish the cookbook project by igniting the Starting Energy once again.

Try it. You won’t regret it.