Three types of newsletters (to stay connected with your readers)

It is Tuesday morning again and I am fretting. An article is due in a few hours and it is not ready. I have barely recovered from Friday’s article and the next one is due again. It is not that I don’t do anything about them the whole week and just spin-off 1000 to 1500 words articles on Tuesday and Friday mornings. The whole week goes into the preparation.

Finding topics that will be useful to my readers, researching, outlining, finding relating and interesting stories, and then writing and editing them take hours. This one commitment to my readers take 40% of my working time (used to be 70%, I am getting quicker). Why do I do it?

Because it is important.

Writing articles is a great way to educate your readers, establish authority in your field, and most importantly staying in contact with your readers.

And you know dear writers, how important it is for us to stay in contact with our readers.

Without readers, there is no point in writing. Yes, we write for ourselves but we only do so when we want to take the weight off our chest or want to use writing as a therapy. Most of the stuff we write for ourselves is a rant.

Writing for a readership is the way to grow as a writer and to find meaning in our labour.

Now that we have established that we do need readers, we need to find them and stay in regular contact with them. How to find readers is a whole different topic which I will address in another article. In today’s article, I am going to address how to stay in contact with readers once you have a few of them subscribe to your newsletter.

Is article writing the only way to stay in contact with your readers?

No, it isn’t. There are other means.

There is a difference between articles and newsletters and their purpose.

An article is 1000-2000 words “editorial” or “feature article” like writing usually on one small aspect of a topic that involves some research and includes writer’s observation, inference and recommendation. Its purpose is education. It features on authors’ websites and may and may not go to the subscribers via email.

A newsletter on the other hand is an email kind of correspondence drafted to stay connected with your readers and goes out to all those who have subscribed to them. Its purpose is communication. It can be of any form – from a full-fledged article like I send to you twice a week to an informal email to talk about your day.

There are three ways the writers can draft their newsletters.

  1. “Editorial” or “Feature Article” style
  2. “Link” style
  3. Blog style

1. “Editorial” or “Featured Article” Style

This form is best suited when you want to educate your readers and impart your knowledge and experience in a regular way.

It is also the most labor-intensive and requires a lot of commitment. But it has its benefits. Articles build your platform, populates your website with useful content, and establishes you as an authority in your field.

Article writing has a copious value not only for your readers but for yourself too. When you are writing about a topic you tend to do a lot of research that helps you clear your own concepts. You end up learning from the exercise than even your readers. That is why many writers write about writing. They are learning their craft while educating their readers.

You need to pick any area in any genre and start writing about it. You can venture a bit as long as you don’t go too much out of the boundaries of your topic. I write about art, craft, language, creativity, productivity, and marketing side of writing.

For this type of newsletter, you’ll need to be a decent writer. While other types of email newsletters don’t require you to be a good writer (as you’ll see below), this one definitely does. 

With that said, just because you can write doesn’t mean you should write forever. This type of email newsletter can be 300–2000+ words It just depends on the topic and how dedicated your audience is to reading lengthy content.

This is less than 200 words, yet still as effective as a longer from-the-editor style newsletter. As long as the below bases are covered, your subscribers are going to love reading your newsletter alongside their morning cup of coffee.

  • Why does this matter to my subscribers?
  • Is this valuable to my subscribers?
  • Is this topic relevant to my industry?
  • Is this engaging enough to make my subscribers keep reading?

2 “Link” style newsletter

If you are strapped for time and writing expertise you still can provide quick value for your readers through the ‘Link” style newsletter. These links can be internal links (i.e. your own content) or external links (i.e. other people’s content).

These kind of emails are short but packed with useful information which your readers can save to read at their leisure. But this style only works if you are providing superior or unusual information that your readers won’t normally get by a simple search on the internet.

Just because you’re not writing lengthy, researched-based, storytelling newsletters doesn’t mean that you can get away with shonky links and poor quality information.

It still involves a lot of research but rather than writing about it you are just sending the links so that your subscribers can go there and read for themselves.

Here is an example of “link” style newsletter:

There’s just one thing you can not mess up when it comes to this newsletter style. If you choose to go with this style, it is very important that you make sure you are committed to providing context for each link. You need to explain why your subscribers should care about the content you’re linking out to.

3. “Blog” Style

A blog-style newsletter is when you do not want to spend that much time on research and writing full-fledged articles but still want to provide useful information to your readers. You can do that in the informal style of writing.

Blog style newsletter has more room for going off the topic and write anything from what breakfast you had to what book you have been reading keeping in mind it has to have something for your readers. So there has to be some value for your readers to know why you had special “oatmeal” breakfast which you created using your grandmother’s recipe which was not only delicious but easy to prepare, nutritious, and fill you up in fewer calories.

But the real purpose of the blog style newsletter is to share useful information. Never forget that your readers agreed to receive emails from you because they are learning something from them. The moment they will stop learning, they will unsubscribe.

This type of newsletter is best suited for having conversations with your audience. It is also more personal. Readers get to know you better and want to stay connected.

Try to keep it short and punchy, because no one wants you to keep on babbling about your breakfast.

You can think of the “blog” style newsletter as a hybrid of the “editorial” style and “link” style newsletter. While you’re certainly not writing 2,000 words to explain why people should consume the content linked, you’re still showing the value behind them clicking.

Here is an example:

Recap

There is a difference between writing articles and writing newsletters. The purpose of articles is to educate while the purpose of the newsletter to stay connected with your subscribers.

Your can send ‘editorial” or “feature articles” in your newsletter or you can send a list of useful links. Then there is third choice the hybrid of two – a “blog” style newsletter.

Whatever you might choose you need to make sure your newsletter provides value to your readers by giving information that your readers find relevant and useful.

Photo by Jon Tyson on Unsplash

How to learn to write, when there is no teacher in sight

Last year, when the Caronavirus was still trapped in the lab, and the world was a safe place to travel, my husband and I went on an organized tour of Egypt, Turkey, and Jordan. A month-long trip was paid in advance; the final itinerary was mailed to us two weeks with the name of hotels, daily excursions, internal flight details all spelled out clearly.

Once there, we were met by the guides in each country who took care of everything. Each morning a bus picked us up (there were 25 of us on the trip), took us sightseeing, and deposited us back in the hotel after dinner.

Although we were not allowed to venture out on our own or eat at better places than the run-of-the-mill touristy restaurants, we didn’t have to worry about deciding what to see, how to get there, and how to beat the crowds to get the tickets to the historical landmarks.

This is what learning from teachers is like.

They plan the coursework; they give the instructions; they decide where to take you and how to get there. You follow. You get fully dependent on them. So when the time comes to be on your own, you don’t know how to cope.

That was what exactly happened to us. Everything went fine until we were exiting Egypt and going to Jordan. We were not told there was another country in between – Israel. We had to go through the immigration check, stand in line for three hours for cross-over, travel by bus for fifteen kilometers to get to the Jordan border, buy a visa, and stand in the queue again for an immigration check. Just for half a day, we were left to our resources, and we couldn’t cope.

When we want to learn something, usually, we enroll in a course.

We want to be spoon-fed just like we were in school or colleges. Even Universities follow the same pattern of set curriculum. We think the structured way of learning is the only way to learn. We think that because we haven’t tried the other way.

What is the other way?

Let’s imagine you land in a foreign country and want to explore the place by yourself. You pick up some brochures from the hotel, you search on the internet, you might buy the Lonely Planet guide, and you decide which places you are going to see. You figure out how to get there. You decide how much time you want to spend there. You may not cover the entire city, but you explore tiny increments and see all that you wanted to see in the time you have.

How does this analogy work for learning to write?

Writers used to learn to write on their own until recently, when cashing on the great demand colleges and universities have with courses and degrees in writing. Almost all universities now have a master’s degree in writing. Although they can provide the focus and structured curriculum, they could be expensive and time-consuming.

Many people take to writing at the later stage of their lives. It doesn’t make sense to university to get a degree when there are so many other resources available that don’t cost much and fit in your timetable.

Here are three resources that are enough to make you a proficient writer without a teacher.

1. Books, podcasts and videos

2. Discussion groups

3. Teaching others

All that you want to learn about writing is captured in books podcasts and videos.

You don’t need to go anywhere. Pick any topic you want to learn and research what books are available on it. Read reviews and pick two or three and start.

You can even start by reading blog posts and podcasts. Several established writers are writing beneficial articles on the art and craft of writing, and most of them are available for free. The beauty of articles is that they are shorter and can be read in a single sitting. They usually address one topic at a time and hence are very targeted.

The advantage of podcasts is that they save time. You can listen to them while cooking, exercising, or during the commute. Many podcasts have interviews with successful writers who freely share their techniques and learnings, something you may not pick up in a course.

But if you are learning by yourself, you’d have to take smaller steps.

Let’s say you want to tackle how to write short stories. You’d start with simple questions such as – what are short stories. How long are short-stories? How many characters could there be? How many events can there be? How much dialogue, exposition, and backstory can I use in there?

Then you would move on to more complex issues such as – what is common about different kinds of short stories. Where am I getting stuck? What is my approach writing them? Where does it not align with the kind of stories I want to write.

Usually by this time, when you can’t figure out answers by yourself, you feel stuck. That is when the discussion groups come in handy.

Discussion groups are a must to grow as a writer.

If you want to become a real writer, you have to be a member of a discussion group to get your work critiqued and provide feedback on other people’s writing. You will not only learn from receiving feedback but from providing feedback to others.

Sometimes you can’t locate what you are doing wrong in your writing because you are too close to it but immediately pick it up in other people’s work. Not only that, somehow you have a solution for them too, which is what you are looking for in your own work.

At that point you become a teacher yourself.

There is no better way to learn something than by teaching others.

When you learn with the intention to teach it to someone, your learning becomes more focused and intense. You want the concepts to be clear in your head so that you can explain them to others. You pay more attention. You associate new learning with your old learning and come up with better examples and analogies.

When you explain something to others, your subconscious is working on finding solutions where you are getting stuck.

It is no accident that most writers are teaching the craft to others, and that too for free. It helps them with their own learning.

I am not against learning from teachers.

Both my parents were teachers. I know the difference a good teacher can make in your life. A teacher has complete knowledge of the topic and knows how to explain it well. He or she also knows when the student is on the wrong track and quickly bringing her back on the right track.

But learning by yourself has its own advantages.

Learning something yourself might be slower but probably better in the long run. It’s similar to landing in a foreign country and walking down the streets many times.

At first, everything is brand-new and difficult to decipher. But if you walk down the streets several times, you get a pretty good understanding of where everything is located.

You find your own path. You pick up things your jaded teacher might have missed or not in touch with. You might stumble in the dark for a while, but you figure out what you need. The direction you take might lead to discoveries. Even digression has its own benefits.

The key is to walk down that street many times and discover parts of the street you may have missed earlier. You may feel that you will never become an expert, but you’ll be surprised at how much you can learn by pacing up and down and paying close attention.

Finally, when we are learning by ourselves, there is the temptation to start at the top.

I personally think that’s a mistake. It’s better to start somewhere in the middle as there is less pressure to get it right. As you get stuck, you’d have to find a way to get unstuck.

That’s approximately how you can go about teaching yourself almost anything.

That’s how a guide learns. That’s how you can learn too and become a guide for others.

Photo by Element5 Digital on Unsplash

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How To Stop Your Left Brain From Thinking

You know the feeling when you have something due, and you think there is still plenty of time. That was what I was feeling when I left the article writing to the last minute.

Just an hour was left before the article was meant to go live, and I hadn’t even started it yet. Do you know what happens in situations like these?

Your left brain takes over.

It sounds something like this. Are you crazy? You can’t write an article in less than an hour. It takes you two to three hours to pull one up on good days. On bad days, I have seen you taking seven to eight hours. Are you kidding yourself? Don’t send a half-baked, typo-strewn article to get yourself ridiculed. Give yourself time. Maybe give up writing. You have been writing for years and still struggling with it. Find something else. Something more suitable for your skills.

Sounds familiar?

How about when you were asked to make a speech in front of colleagues? You froze. That was your left brain in control of you again.

Do you remember when you were learning to drive and, for the first time, drove on a busy road? You could feel the taste of your stomach acid in your mouth. It’s your left brain at work.

The left brain is the bully brain. It doesn’t just complicate things with its logic; it goes one step further. It drowns out the free-thinking nature of the right brain.

Let’s figure out how the left brain works.

The left brain is mathematical and logical. It makes sure 6 + 4 is always 10 (not 11). It makes sure we reach a conclusion logically. Remember Mr. Spock of Star Trek movies. It is Mr. Spock of our Enterprise. For it, everything has to be logically evaluated and weighed and analyzed.

My left brain is raising its eyebrow at the moment. It is telling me logically I can’t write an article within an hour if my average is 2 to 3 hours. 

For it, 2 or 3 is not equal to one. 

For the bully brain, everything is black and white.

But thankfully I have another brain the right brain.

The right brain can see many colors. It can see the rainbow and the whole color pallet in between. That is why when we are painting, or drawing, or playing music, we are using the right brain.

This, of course, drives our bully brain totally crazy. It tries desperately to pigeon-hole everything into black and white. And, of course, it fails. And when the two brains are at odds with each other, it sends us into a spiral.

When we are faced with a problem, which brain we should listen to? Well, the logical answer is that we should reach out to the left brain. To Mr. Spock.

But how about if we reach out for the right brain—the crazy brain— instead.

The crazy brain doesn’t give a hoot about being black or white. So if you are to make a speech at work to a gathering of 100 colleagues, it will randomly pull out something it had stored away somewhere, which you don’t even remember, and get you started. It will start putting words in your mouth, and you wonder where is it coming from?

It will make you take action even before the bully brain has the chance to open its mouth. It will get you going even before Mr. Spock has time to lift his eyebrow.

The crazy brain works splendidly for writing.

All I had to do was to start writing. As soon as my fingers started moving on the keyboard, the ideas started coming. First a bit awkwardly but then fluently. I set the timer for fifteen minutes, which kept me more on track. Now there is a race between time and the crazy brain. It has to bring words faster than the timer runs out.

When we do something under strict time limits, the bully brain ping pongs between black and white. When we do something quite radical, it confuses the bully brain so much that it shut down.

If you haven’t done it before, try it. Give yourself 5 minutes to write an email. You have to address all the issues and type out a 200-words email in five minutes. Immediately your bully brain will snarl. Surely you can’t have speed and quality, it hisses. But ignore it. Just go with your crazy brain. And at first, you’ll get resistance, but eventually, the bully, like all bullies, will get fed up and leave.

I found this when I was learning typing in 1996.

I was using typing software to learn to type. When I started using it for the first time, I kept the speed at the slowest. But after some days, when my fingers became aware of where the letters were, I still kept the speed slow so that my accuracy improves. But rather than improving, it was getting worse. Then one day, out of frustration, I increased the speed of words appearing on the screen and started typing without looking at the keyboard. My accuracy was all-time better. I had managed to shut the bully brain.

But does that mean we should always go with the crazy brain?

No, of course not. Both brains have their value. But we have to recognize that the bully brain doesn’t do very well when dealing with fuzzy stuff that doesn’t end up with 6+4=10. So you have to bypass it.

Sometimes speed works. Sometimes it doesn’t. Sometimes we can use a change of method, location, technology to trick the bully brain. Our job is to find out how to stop our bully brain from taking center stage and prancing around like a spoiled two-year-old.

What if the bully brain starts taking over?

If you start freezing or taking too much time or if what you do is driving you crazy, you need to stop the bully brain.

Find a way to access your crazy brain instead to tackle the same job in a totally different way. You get your work done and most importantly that bully brain shuts up. Phew!

Try it.

Photo by Morning Brew on Unsplash

What is the purpose of an author’s website (that your publisher hasn’t told you about)

In 1913, when twenty-three years old Arthur Wynne created the first crossword puzzle to include in the Christmas edition of New York World he had no idea it was going to be so popular. His first puzzle was nothing like today’s crossword puzzles, but it was still very challenging and engrossing.

But the editors of the New York World didn’t like it. After a few months, when they tried to drop it, readers were so hostile that not only the newspaper had to stick with the puzzle but to make it a permanent feature.

For the next ten years, if you wanted to solve a crossword, you had to buy “The New York World” until one day Richard L. Simon’s aunt wanted a book of crossword puzzles for her daughter. Richard was a publisher. He knew no such book existed. But he saw the opportunity. He negotiated a deal with New York World and bought their best puzzles at $25 a pop and published them in a book form. The book sold 300,000 copies by end of the year.

Sometimes those in business can’t see the obvious just like the editors of the New York World. The publishers are advising the writers to create a website and writers are obliging by creating a static site. Both are failing to see the purpose and potential of an author’s website.

Authors need to have an online presence, full stop.

In today’s world, an author exists because he has a website. But an author’s website is not just a static page with his picture, bio, and the list of his books. An author’s website is a marketing machine. It is the engine room where all the action happens. It is his portfolio, a live resume, a bookstore, a signing venue, a classroom, a sketchbook, and an online diary all put together.

Writers have traditionally stayed away from the publishing and marketing side of things. Many writers are willing to collect hundreds of rejection slips from traditional publishers rather than learn the marketing skills and sell their work.

For some reason there, even in this age of self-publishing and online marketing, the thought of going indie is inconceivable for many. On the flip side, many marketers are writing books and successfully selling thousands of copies. They know something that writers don’t and traditional publishers are failing to see the potential.

Why traditional publishers are failing to see the potential of the author’s websites.

At first, the traditional publishers were too big to care. Their whole focus was to find a few best-sellers a year which gave them enough cashflow. They would take some risk on new writers but never invest enough time to build them into good writers. The new writers were left to their own devices to keep learning, trying, and if they were persistent enough to come up with something decent to be published.

Then came the internet and along with it the ability to self-publish.

Some authors took risks, learned the ropes, and became successful. But not in enough numbers to be a threat to traditional publishing. The printed books were still the main game and winning awards was the only way the writers got any recognition.

Amazon changed the game completely. Introduction of Kindle, followed by Apple’s iBooks (now called Apple Books) and later on Audiobooks set the stage for a complete change-over to happen within a few years.

In all this chaos publishers didn’t get a chance to understand what was happening around them.

Like the editors of New York World they couldn’t see the potential online marketing. They were still at a point where they were advising their authors to have a website while the self-publishers had a readership in thousands and were selling their books directly to them.

Then the publisher started demanding that authors got to have email lists.

The publishers figured out that if an author has a pre-existing mailing list, a percentage of them will buy the book. But they had no strategy in place on how to help or guide the thousands of writers who were still sending their manuscripts to them and had no websites or mailing lists.

A smart business move for the publisher would to work with the budding writers and help them build an online presence and readership. It takes years for a writer to get good at her craft, and it takes years to build a readership. Both can happen in parallel.

If publishers and writers figure out a way to work with each other, in the long run they both will be able to benefit from each other’s efforts.

An author will benefit from a publisher’s backing in creating an author’s website and know-how on how to build an email list.

And a publisher will benefit from having several writers as their protégés who are not only improving their manuscript but also building a readership.

Let’s figure out what is involved with an author’s website?

There is no shortage of advice on what an author’s website should and shouldn’t have. And if you go around looking at what other authors have got, you are bound to get more confused and likely to give up rather than feeling inspired. Starting from highly technical and interactive J K Rowling’s site to very professional sites of Deen Kontz, John Grisham, Gillian Flynn, and Nora Roberts there is so much to leave a new writer bewildered.

Rather than getting bamboozled by all these well-established writers, as a new writer, if you concentrate on three things, you should be able to self-create a site that is interesting, interactive, and professional enough to start your online presence and build your readership.

The three things you should concentrate on are:

1. Information about you
2. Showcasing your work
3. Interacting with your readers

People want to know you before they want to buy your book.

Even quite lately authors were being advised that people don’t come to your site to read about you, they come there to read about your book. That is absolutely wrong advise. Authors were being told, you are important but your books are more important. It is rubbish.

When you go to a library with an array of books to choose from, which one will you pick to borrow? Usually, the one by an author you already know about. Same way, when you are choosing a book to buy, what is the first thing you read after reading the blurb about the book. The author’s bio.

Of course, people are interested to know more about you. They are after all going to spend the next 2 – 4 weeks reading your book. They want to know who you are, what is your background, how did you come to write that book. They are interested as much in your story as they are in the story of your book.

I follow Elizabeth Gilbert, the writer of ‘Eat Pray and Love, on Instagram. Last week she surpassed one million fans. Every feed she puts on Instagram, and she puts 4 to 5 every week, she gets two to three thousand responses. Her fans are not only interested in whatever she shares about her life but engage with her actively.

Your biography doesn’t have to tell your whole life story. But it needs to tell the truth about you. Even if you write under a pen name, whatever you tell in your bio needs to be honest and true.

Another thing you need to be aware of is that your bio not really about you. It is about your readers. When your reader reads it they should be able to relate to it. My own bio which is just four paragraphs long talks about my struggles with becoming a good writer and how a change of mindset from a martyr to a trickster made writing fun for me. Something each struggling writer can relate to.

The purpose of your website is to showcase your work.

Of course, the first purpose of your website is to showcase your books. You got to give enough coverage to your book on your website. Whenever you publish a new book, you can make it the centerpiece of your website. David Sedaris does it well on his site.

You have a book to sell; you need to make sure people know where to buy it. If a reader visits your site and doesn’t realize immediately that you’re an author with a book to sell, you’re probably doing something wrong. The buttons like “Pre-order now” steer readers to order your book even before it is published.

But your website could also be a place to showcase your work. Austin Kleon the writer of the book ‘Show Your Work’ publishes a post each day on his blog where he showcases whatever art he did that day. All his learning, reading, and writing go on his blog first and then go into his books. He has thousands of fans who are hungry to consume whatever he puts on his website. His is a very simple blog-style site that is easy to maintain but full of great content.

Your blog provides the opportunity to stay in contact with your readers.

It is your interaction with the readers that will get your books sold. A blog is a great medium to be able to do that.

Imagine getting an email from J K Rowlings once a week telling you what she has been up to, how her new book is going, and bits and pieces about her writing process. Maybe she sends you a couple of chapters from her new book. Maybe she wants to enroll a few beta-readers. Wouldn’t you want to be on her mailing list? And when finally her book is ready to be published would you buy it or would you say, Umh…, aah…, I will think about it. Of course, you will buy it. You will even pre-order.

You get the point.

But the biggest problem an author has that they have no clue what to write in their blog each week. And publishers are no help. They are so far behind in this game.

Your blog is a letter you write to your fans each week. There is a number of things you can cover in this letter.

You can tell your readers what are you reading, what intrigued you and what have you learned from it.

You can write reviews and recommend books.

You can teach something. Most of the readers want to become writers themselves.

Weekly emails with bite-size learnings make very welcoming blog posts.

But most importantly you can share your process of creation. People have an insatiable desire to know how real authors work.

But I can’t create and maintain a website. I am not technical.

If you can learn to use a computer, learn to do research on the internet, you can also learn to create and maintain a website and a blog. It is just a piece of software, that is interactive and user friendly like any other. Besides, there is a lot of help available online.

YouTube has thousands of videos that can teach you how to build a website and start a blog. You just need to spend fifteen minutes a day and within a week you will be able to create a decent website using a free template.

Too much to absorb, let me explain it in short.

An author’s website is to an author what a printing press is to a publisher. You ought to have one. But you do not have to be bamboozled by the professional sites of established authors. You can start small. And if you can concentrate on three things initially, you can have a firm mechanism not only to sell your books but build a loyal readership while you are writing them. Those three things are:

1. Your bio
2. Your work
3. Your blog

You have a choice, you can either wait for a publisher to find you or you can make yourself findable.

Publishers are fast becoming a dying breed. Now it is up to each individual author to sell their work. And the starting point for that is a website. Don’t delay it any longer. Sooner you will start, the quicker you will get better.

Still have a lot of questions?

Should I have my name as the domain name or should I create a site based on my book title?

If I hire someone to create a website how much it will cost?

How long it will take me to attract the first 100 readers?

How much time I will need to spend each week to write the blog?

How many articles I need to write a week?

Send me your questions and I will create a Frequently Asked Questions guide for you.

Also, I am working on a step by step guide to build your website for yourself. Stay tuned for that.

Photo by John Schnobrich on Unsplash

Today marks two years of blogging

I wake up, from a fretful sleep. It is a wet, windy and depressing morning. I settle down in the bed as usual and start writing. For the next two hours, it is just me and my words. My husband is not allowed to interrupt me. He gets ready and leaves for work.

I sit in the folds of doona – laptop notebooks, and books scattered around me – I am in heaven. Today is 27 July. I am feeling nostalgic and make a deliberate trip to memory lane. Two years ago, on this day, I was miserable. I had no clue where my life was going. Although I was in a well-paying job earning a high six-figure income, I wasn’t happy. Something was missing. I didn’t know what it was.

On a whim, at lunchtime, I bought a domain under my real name. I had been writing for some time but didn’t publish anything. I was too scared to put my name on what I wrote and severely doubted my ability to become a writer. Yet that is all I wanted to be. I thought blogging would ease me into a writing career. I had started a couple of blogs before, but they didn’t last long. My self-doubt and lack-of-time to devote to my passion were tearing me apart.

The same evening, as usual, I visited my father in the nursing home. He was a bit unwell. His infection was back. He should have been put on antibiotics, which my brother had bought and left with the staff since morning, but they hadn’t started the medication due to a discrepancy in paperwork. As my brother and I were still sorting that, he took his last breath. One minute he was there, next he was gone. Forever.

A few days later, when the shock of his departure subsided, I wrote my first post Why I started this blog. It was more of a tribute to him. Writing it comforted me more than anything else. I couldn’t express everything I was feeling but I felt I had finally found a place to express myself.

My own words comforted me then. Even after two years, they are still able to comfort me. For some reason, writing seems to be the right way to remember my father.

This blog started on the same day my father passed away. In a strange way, they both got connected. As if he had reincarnated in the form of a blog. In my eulogy, I wrote that my father had big hands, the kind of hands a father should have. It feels like he has put his hand over me through this blog. Could something technical and virtual be someone’s solace?

This blog is the place where I could be myself. This is where I pour my heart, talk about my fears, share my lessons, and inspire others. This blog taught me a lot, not only about writing but life itself. Last year, on this day, I wrote an article listing 10 learning from the first year of blogging to mark the day.

This year I have created a book of inspirations – 31 Tips to Unleash Your Creativity. It holds the words that inspired me and kept me going through this journey. Click the link and download it.

I want to take this opportunity to thank you, my dear readers. You stood by me all this time and witnessed my progress from an unsure scribbler to someone who is living the life she wants to live. I will continue to write for you and for myself, sharing my learnings and solving the mysteries of life.

Thank you for your support. I love you all.

Photo by Zach Kadolph on Unsplash

Why everyone around me is so irrational and how can I fix them

Imagine if you were a woman who was cat-called — and you decided to interview your cat-caller. 

This is exactly what Eleanor Gordon-Smith, an Australian journalist, did.

Cat-calling or eve-teasing is nothing new to women. Every one of us has so many stories tucked away in our memory vaults. 

Why men cat-call? What they hope to get from it? Eleanor decided to confront her cat-callers to find out. What she discovered left her dumbfounded.

Most of them didn’t mind being interviewed. When she thrust her mean-looking tape recorder under their faces, they gave her inconsistent reasons behind their motivation. 

“A guy just does it for attention,” said one. “I am looking for a reaction, any reaction,” admitted the other. “I am looking to meet someone, start a conversation, try to see if she is into it.” claimed the other. 

Then she came across the most bizarre one, “They love it. They have to love it.” His conviction was absolute so was his irrationality.

But was he any more irrational than anyone of us? 

We like to think that we are reasonable, while others are unreasonable. But is that the truth? Is it in itself an unreasonable belief in itself?  

Much that we like to think we are rational beings; we are all irrational.

Take the process of decision making, for instance.

We like to think we make our decisions rationally. But we don’t.

 A rational way of decision-making is to assess a problem from all its angles, weigh pros and cons, and then decide. 

How many of us do that? And even if we do, how many we have followed the logical conclusion?

I have often drawn a line in the middle of a sheet of paper, written down the pro and cons but rarely I have made the decision in favor of most ‘pros’ on the table. My mind had already reached the decision. All I was doing was discovering what it was. I was justifying myself to myself. 

Is that rational?

Rational persuasion is the right way of changing our minds, but do we actually do that?

No, we don’t. 

The reasoned argument is the currency of persuasion sounds good in theory. The fact is we hate being persuaded. Right or wrong, we like to hold on to our beliefs. Changing our beliefs means putting aside ego and admitting that it is time to change our ill-informed beliefs. How many of us do that?

I have been trying to get my husband to do flexibility training for years now. He walks each morning, at least five kilometers, sometimes even more. He is doing enough cardio-vascular workout but nothing to keep his muscles flexible. He can’t squat, can’t sit on the floor, and have trouble picking up things he drops. But he refuses to do any flexibility training. He believes a walk is all he needs to stay fit. All the rational persuasion (and the evidence that he is losing flexibility) is not enough to change his mind.

Very few of our life decisions are based on rationality.

When we base our decision on rationality, our mind is calm. We know we have made the right decision when we have listened to reasoned arguments, considered all the facts, and didn’t get dissuaded by the people around us. We have been able to set aside our ego and emotion to make a choice. That is why we feel at peace with ourselves. But that happens only a few times.

When I decided to take early retirement to devote my time to writing, it was one of those decisions when my mind was totally at rest. It took six months of planning, considering all the options, fulfilling financial obligations, and choosing the right time to resign. Not even once, I regretted it.

But soon after, I made a series of decisions that left me frustrated, angry, and led to so much mental turmoil, that I wondered if I was the same woman who so calculatedly embarked on a new career.

If we don’t make decisions rationally, then how do we make decisions.

The fact is our decision-making process is as unpredictable as our beliefs are. Both happen somewhere deep in our minds.

We make decisions subconsciously. 

A common agate in marketing is that we buy with our hearts and justify with our minds. It is true with our decision making too.

We make decisions based on our belief system. 

The more aligned our decisions are with our belief system calmer, we feel. When a decision is in alignment with one belief but conflict with another, we enter the world of turmoil.

Sometimes we make decisions in a split second, and it just feels right. 

Although the reasoning is not clear to us, there are thousands of subtle clues that our mind picks up and uses them to reach a decision.

Why do we find our own decisions rational but other people’s decisions irrational?

Other people make their decisions the same way as we do. 

Their belief system is different than ours, so what is rational to them is irrational to us. 

We can justify our own decisions to ourselves, but we can’t do that with others. So we start thinking they are irrational.

I find it hard to believe that my brother has spent so much money to buy a second-hand car for which he could have bought a new car. For me, a new car is a new car. It is less hassle and has a manufacturer’s warranty. But my brother finds it hard to believe that I would go for a new car that depreciates as soon as it comes out of the showroom. We both think of each other being irrational.

Can we make other people act rationally?

Only as much as they can make us act rationally.

Irrationality is the space between what is expected of us and how we respond.

If the two align, we are considered rational. If they don’t, our behavior is considered irrational. But alignment happens less often than more. And it frustrates us.

I used to spend my weekends helping friends make up their minds. And my weapon of choice was — reasoning. It used to frustrate me how they would come back to the same position the day after. The reasoning is not enough to make us act rationally. What makes us think it will be enough for others? I now keep my weekends free to read a good book or go for a walk.

Telling the cat-callers that women don’t enjoy indecent remarks and providing them ample evidence with not make them act rationally. Not encouraging them and leaving clues to leave you alone will surely discourage them.

Summary

Let me recap the points I made. 

  1. We think we are rational while the people around us are irrational.
  2. Even though we like to think that we are rational, we make decisions irrationally.
  3. Rational decision-making at the conscious level might sound good in theory, but our subconscious mind picks up many more clues and reach a conclusion on its own, which is better than the conclusion we can reach consciously.
  4. Other people’s decisions feel more irrational than our own because their belief system is different than ours.
  5. It is hard enough to change ourselves, let alone the others.

Let’s not try and change others when it is so hard to change ourselves.

Photo by heyerlein on Unsplash